I think I’m so obsessed with the idea of falling in love, of BEING in love, of being loved, of being in a loving relationship, because it is this fantasy of having someone that wants to hold you, is there to support you when you fall, someone that you aren’t afraid will leave whenever. I think maybe I am really afraid that anyone that enters my life will leave me, because many have left me in my life. I feel maybe my childhood self felt really rejected by my peers, felt my body, my looks were rejected and my personality laughed at.

BUT I am not my child-self. I see these things need healing, but today I know I can never be alone as long as I have myself. And I have a really nice support net. A lot of love. And even though the entire world would reject me, it IS worth offering my love for it. It hurts to get rejected, but I will not isolate or blame myself anymore and my life, my love, is BEAUTIFUL and worth being expressed - but I cannot force anyone to listen, and it shouldn’t bother me what the world does with its vision of me, of my life, my love. For I am whole and beautiful - a child of the Universe.