Desperately running after you, just for you to treat me like a charity that needs your pity and insincere empathy, to treat me less undesirably when it is convenient for you, to act in a way like i have an illness and that you are my cure, my sanity, my wellness. Like you hold the strings of me. And for quite a while, yes you were really the air in my lungs.

But well, NOW, I RELEASE ME.

If you do not know how to treat me well, then I am not settling for anything less than that. My spirit will no longer dwell in that puppet show. Sad as I may be feeling now, to not have a piece of you, but I am not also having a poisoned piece. I'll fully own my sadness and deal with it all by myself.I will not cry and crawl for help. I WILL NOT OWE YOU ANYTHING, ESPECIALLY MY OWN HEALING.

You were absolutely wrong for treating me like i was replaceable. You were wrong for leaving me hanging about everything. Like my insecurity about my position in your life, is your security of me foolishly agreeing to be placed at some spot at anytime it gets vacant. You were wrong for walking away every time you would feel like i just am not who and what you need at the moment, and how that leaves me feeling so empty like the wind can just fly me far away but at the same time so heavy that I cant even blink my eyes. My spirit was so crushed. But no. I will not be consumed like that anymore. My dignity is not that low. It crushed me the first, it broke me the second, but as I was on my way to the third, I realized that IT'S ALL UP TO ME. Its up to me if i'll be pointlessly consumed again and again and again, or start to actually respect myself enough to hold my own strings and run my own course however i like it to be. And so I did, while having a huge lump in my throat, and a striking pain between my rib cage, I STILL DID, and I am more than damn delightful that I did! More than damn proud that i did it while I was horribly hurt. While I was terribly confused. Because despite all the chaos, what I certainly knew as the only sure thing is that- HEALING IS THE ONLY WAY FORWARD. So whatever that is not part of my healing, will not be a part of me. And with letting go of what is not for me, now, I have a clearer mind, I have a clearer sense of worth, and cultivated a strong heart.

P.S.
Unlucky of you, I could be one of the best people you could ever damn have.
I actually believed that where you placed me at and how you saw me, might be all right and true. How gross is that huh? I am not seeing my self in the lens of your eyes, or anybody that sees me anything less than the marvelous that I am whom God created. I only see me through His eyes now. I tell you, I feel free. I am loved unconditionally. I will never be left. I am protected, but I am not caged. I feel invincible.