When we set out to start a new life there is always an instance when the past decides to call us on the phone, right when we least expect it, a text message or a phone call, or an urge will pop up...
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It could be your ex asking to catch up, it could be an old friend, a habit to binge Netflix, an old way of doing something that you've gotten rid of, for me it was the habit of hanging out with toxic people and going out.
The question is when the past comes knocking at our doors should we give it another chance?

Yesterday, my day had been interrupted by a text message from someone I had cut out of my life.

"Hey I really wanna know what I did wrong I've been overthinking it too much, are we done for good?"

At first, I wanted to ignore the text and go about my day, then, a tiny voice in the back of my head went "well maybe we've judged her too quick?" so I offered to talk and grab some coffee.

At first it was an innocent yes to a coffee and 20 minutes of time travel hoping to get some perspective from looking back at old times.
Angel In Purgatory
Angel In Purgatory
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, to be honest, I wouldn't say that I regret that part, it was rather nice even though I danced a little too close to getting hurt all over again. Maybe in some instances, we can give people second chances... I have yet to find that out if we decide to see each other again.
But little did I know a tiny taste from the past sent me diving right back the old waters.

Soon enough, I had found myself hanging out with another toxic person I had cut out of my life at a shisha bar, then smoking a cigarette, and a Juul, soon enough it was 3 shoots after being talked into going to the bar our high school usually hangs out at.

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But hey, partying and bars is not the problem, it was the feeling...

all of a sudden I felt unworthy because some guy didn't talk back to me when I tried to make a conversation, I felt insecure about my outfit and the fact that I wasn't wearing makeup...
Then soon enough a guy that has been trying to convince me to sleep with him since the beginning of senior year appeared and started a conversation.

At first that seemed to fix things, I got the taste of old fun and my appetite was beginning to rise again, but then...

His hand slipped to my thigh, and the dizzier I got he kept pulling me to him. Claiming that I had to take my friend home I asked her to order the taxi in order to get away from the guy who was desperately trying to make me stay. I felt a panic attack coming because a thought flashed through my mind that if my friend (aka the very all over the pace party girl I went there with who could forget you at any minute and was then way too busy talking with her boyfriend on the phone) didn't get me away from there my consent would not really matter all that much.

Angel In Purgatory
Angel In Purgatory
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As I finally freed myself, standing on the side of the road waiting for a taxi with the girl who kept blabbering away on the phone instead of paying any kind of attention to me, I craved to be working on my book instead or editing my youtube video, doing something that not only benefits me and possibly gives me a shot at my dream career but something that doesn't make me feel insecure and scared.
So are you ready for the moral of the story? (warning it's not exactly what u think)
B)I had enough bye :D

if you choose A hi.

First of all, the most important things is feeling, for me it wasn't the going out, or the drinking, it was feeling that my friend (the girl I was with there) didn't care about me at all and didn't have my back, feeling scared that came from unwanted guys hitting on me, the unhappiness and self-destruction that came from measuring my self-esteem by who didn't talk back to me, etc. It reminded me why I left all of that behind, I waned true friendships and a guy who loves me not lusts, and from my self worth to come from my work. If you give old ways a chance and the same feeling comes back let them go, they are old ways for a reason. But also...
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When it comes to old ways asking for a second chance I'd say you should give them one. Here's why, I rekindled my friendship with the first girl mentioned in the article and after talking to her we've actually been good, she didn't do toxic things to me anymore. And the going out and thirst trapping attention from guys as validation definitely reminded me of why we call the old ways the "old ways" because they for some reason they no longer work anymore. So give it a chance if it disappoints you then you'll just be reminded why you stopped, and if it works then you got something good. Usually, we can afford to give people a second chance but if you notice that theyre the same RUN!
Angel In Purgatory
Angel In Purgatory
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Now I'm confident without makeup, my Instagram pictures are no longer faked smiles and faked friends, it's truly unforgettable moments with real friends, my self worth comes from within, I'm chasing my dreams and I'm never going back!
disclaimer this advice does not extend to addictions or any extremely toxic habits or abusive individuals in your life

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