I remember the pain of the heartbreak that you gave to me. It was snowing. And ı was smiling to the sky while my tears were rolling from my eyes to my cheeks. And ı also remember the fact that ı was at the outside cause ı wanted to see the stars to heal my soul. That was the wont of mine which was coming from my childhood. Anytime when ı felt alone as a child, ı was just running out from my home to see some of the stars, and just like that ı was able to feel like there is more hope in the world and ı can count on me about every fucking painful and damaging thing and people in my life.

See now I'm older, but when ı saw you in the same bed with the roommate of mine ı just needed to escape. My mind was kept telling me to "keep breathin' "
I couldn't.
I didn't cry.
But also ı didn't feel like I'm alive.
I know that was my karma which is haunting me. And my whole mind was full filled for to look at the stars. I needed them to make me feel like there is still more patience in me to keep living.

When ı close my eyes ı can still feel the pain.

And ı ran away from the dormitory to the freezing weather and the sharp wind which is kinda cutting my face and my soul and the same time. You are both my biggest disillusionment and my most noteworthy lesson.

I looked at the sky for a really long time for searching for the stars which hidden behind to dark, misty clouds. I couldn't. Then ı realized that ı was the star that night. The only glowing gem was me. And you, my precious you were just a pellet of mud.
I was good.
And ı was gonna be okay now or later.

So ı just want to thank you to be the most hurtful memory of mine.