I know its been a while I don't even talk in English that much these days. So its kind of weird for me to write again, about what I feel, I usually write and post here when I feel overwhelmed or sad or both. And that's what I'm feeling rn.
I feel a huge hole in my chest and it aches. Recently I've come to terms with the fact that I'm bi. And I'm quite proud of that, I haven't told my mum but my bro and my cousins know so that's cool.
What's not so cool is the fact that I've lost my two best friends, they have been with me since I was 3, it's hard, you know? And it makes me wonder if I'm the one with the problem. Since then, I haven't talked to anyone that I used to know, they had a bday party and it kinda hurt knowing they were fine without me. And today I was at work and saw one of their instagram stories and they were out and about, bc apparently everyone choose them and not me,. But that's fine, that's okay.
Plus I'm moving out of my house, alone like without my family, and I have a job.
That kills me and I don't really like it, but is fine, like it could be worse, most of my colleges are really nice, one pf them brings me macaroons and she is really nice.
I'm sad, I'm just sad, I miss them, I miss cousin who has left to the UK, I miss my friends, I miss having someone there for me, I miss laughing with them, but I feel that they are part of my past and that I should move on, the way that they are moving on. Plus my mom and dad have been really weird lately for no apparent reason but that's okay...

I'm currently dating a guy he is fine, like idk lately I've been feeling that is not meant to work, I'm an emotional bitch who needs support and idk I don't need someone that makes me think too much when I'm sad i just need hug and for you to shut up and let me cry, Sometimes I try but it seems like his problems are the only ones that are important and when I try to talk about mine he makes them really small and they are not, I feel alone and sad, and sad. Maybe its hormones, bc my period is about to come, maybe its just that my life is shitty and that I'm a horrible person.
Plus I have to start packing.