You hate yourself as a control mechanism for doing what you want. Eating less, working out more, losing the fat off your body. Making you skinny and good enough for a man to stay with you at night without wanting to leave. You hate yourself as a control mechanism for one day receiving love. What you do not see, is that you are taking a painful detour, across a dark landscape impossible to navigate without destruction. Sit down and listen, this pain does not have to last, there is a solution, a shortcut that might not have been seen or that appeared too simple to be real. It lies in the foundation of what you want and what you need. A love you never got. Instead of craving it from others you can learn to build it up for yourself, show your body and your heart everything you deserve. Shower yourself with love. With good food that nourishes you, with moving your body the way it was intended, taking care of what your heart desires, exploring the world, resting, finding balance. Speaking to yourself with softness, asking without judgement about your deepest desires, and making sure that this is what you get. Sitting still with all the emotions and accepting everything exactly as it is, before asking slowly if there is anything that you can do to make it all a little more okay. The point is that you can learn to love yourself the way you always wanted to be loved, stop the destruction and pain of torturing a malnourished soul. It is a shortcut, since it means getting what you want directly. The secret behind it lies in becoming unstoppable, stable on your own. The secret behind the secret is that you will never have to be alone, because people attract to love. Learn how to love yourself, since it gives you what you always craved directly, but also, because once the universe gets you in touch with the person you want to share your life with, you already know the blueprint of how you want to be loved.