Many people don´t know, what narcissism is and what narcisstic abuse may do to a victim. Narcissism, sometimes just a character trait, also appears as a personality disorder, which I´m going to try to explain to you:

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Narcissists are people who aren´t capable of building self love or confidence on their own. They have an extremely high or low (depending on the type) image of themselves and they use others to fill their inner emptiness.


When you´re in a relationship with a narcissist, they´ll start by "Lovebombing" you. They pretend to be exactly the person you were looking for, tell you that you were made for each other and give you many compliments. You think that they´re just perfect for you, that you´ve finally found the one.

Then, slowly but steady, they attack you. Blame you for doing this or that and start fights for things that others would think of as completeley normal. One minute they tell you how perfect you are and in the next they tell you that you can´t do anything right and stuff like that. It is never their fault and however obvious it is they turn around the truth just so they can say they didn´t make any mistakes.

And they lie
They tell you storys and things that aren´t true, trying to appear better than they are or make you feel sorry for them. They have no shame in lying and don`t see it as a bad thing. They may also talk bad about friends and family, to make sure they have you on their own.

Narcissists have no sense of empathy. That is why you might be sitting right in front of them crying and they might not feel sorry for you at all.

Personal Experience
I was in a relationship with a narcissist for five months. I didn´t realize it until after the breakup. At first I thought he was perfect. He would make me laugh, cared for me and was all I was looking for in a partner. He was my prince. He often told me how we would have to be made for each other cause everything was just so perfect.
But shortly after we got together everything changed. He knew, that my biggest fear was losing someone I love. So he told me that he was depressed and suicidal. How he had pain in his stomach every day and that he didn´t sleep for days. I wasn´t allowed to tell anyone. He always used that to keep me from our friends, telling me how today I could just stay away from them with him, cause today he felt especially bad. It was like that every day.
When we had good times he told me that I was all he had. In the bad times he told me that he was gonna kill himself because of me. That it would be my fault. That I´d be so heartless and how I´d probably not even go to his funeral after I caused his death.
And he did that every night. My daily life was build around him and when I slept too long I got late to school because he forced me to stay up all night after threatening to kill himself if I don`t. Then he blamed me and said what horrible girlfriend I was because I didn´t text him the usual time this morning. He got angry when I talked to others. He got angry when I made the slightest little mistake. He insulted me. He called me idiot, monster and asshole. Then he said it was my fault cause i forced him to do this.
My mom thaught me and my sisters, that we have a value and that we are worth being treated like that. I always thought that I would live up to that. I didn´t. I let him treat me like a piece of shit. He made me so incredibly small that I can´t even describe it here. He blamed me and started fights for things so normal that I started doubting myself and my beliefs. But it wasn´t his fault right? He had a bad day and his parents and... I always had an explanation for his behavior in my head. And there were also the good times. The small moments between fights where he was the guy I thought I fell in love with.
After one month of our relationship, we had fights every 10 minutes if we were together, which we mostly were cause we´re in the same class and after school we´d always be with each other or else he´d get mad. And I sat in front of him, begging him to please stop always fight me. I cried desperatly in front of him. I was falling apart. And he was just sitting there looking at me with a cold face.

I know now that he lied. I have absolute certainty that he is not suicidal and that his stomach pain was a lie too.

I gladly made it out of the relationship fast, I know that staying with him for longer would have destroyed me. He took me. Piece after piece he took everything from me that made me me. It was so important to get out of it.

If you have any questions or you feel like you might be in a simular situation, please feel free to write me a message. I´d love to hear some of your thoughts to my first text and maybe I could help someone.