I’m scared of a lot of things. The dark. Being alone. Abandonment. And don’t get me started on geese-
But I think I’m most scared of not fitting in, more specifically being accepted. When I was younger I was only considered the “innocent nerd”. Someone you could copy off of and they wouldn’t care. Really cliche. No one really saw me as anyone more than that. Now I feel like I’m not even accepted into my house. Everytime my mom sees me there’s more disappointment in her eyes. I’ll never be the child she wants. I know I’ll I never be accepted in my house. I cry a lot. To try and help mask the pain. I try different ways to help distract my pain with a different type of pain. I look in the mirror and I hate what I see. All my flaws laughing at me. Mocking me. Making me feel like I’ll never be loved. Like no one ever has and ever will care. The only thing I want right now is for my family to tell me I’m welcome and that I belong, that there’s nothing wrong with me. I want to know that me being this way is not something that should be shamed. I know that it's something to be proud of, but the way my family talks about this kind of thing it makes so angry. Just because I'm gay doesn't mean there's something with me. That's the way I am and you need to accept it or just leave me alone. My life isn't something you can control, especially who I decide to like and maybe even love. If I make stupid decisions that's something I can own up to, not you. Not. You.