if you want to join in on the challenge, feel free to! definitely message me too; i'd love to read your entries.

day eighteen

hanahaki disease is a fictional disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. the infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals.

i’m not sure what’s really happening.

but this morning i’m waking up with pain in my chest and flowers at my lips thinking of how i can never have you.

it’s almost dizzying — that feeling. it makes my head light, but not in that good way you feel when you’re in love. it’s that feeling you got when you’re in so deep, you can’t dig yourself out. and maybe that’s how i felt that day, my mind spinning ‘round and ‘round with you at the center of my universe.

i try hiding the petals, wearing a mask whenever we go out. but when it becomes unbearable, i have to excuse myself, got to the restroom, chest heaving as i cough out a whole bouquet.

roses. daisies. asters. lilacs. jasmine.

those flowers choke me, stems shoved down my throats, thorns scraping me raw to the point that I sound like i cry myself to sleep every night.

and maybe that’s what i do, but i’ll never tell you.

i’ll never tell you my emotions, how i feel when i’m around you.

how everything seems bright all at once and so warm at the same time that i want to bundle you up in my arms, tell you i love you over and over and over again.

but those words are stuck in my throat as petals.

i don’t even know how many are still on my bedroom floor, skewed across the entire area like the first day of spring.

and although they’re so beautiful, — those flowers at my lips — i can’t breathe — can’t breathe when i’m so in love with you.

it’s killing me.

~ e.h.

the rest of my entries towards this challenge.