Im sorry.

Feeling depressed is not only a emotion, it effects your whole mindset and how you see things and at that one moment in your life, you realize who truly cares and who truly does not.

For me, i've spent years being upset over things that are small and really absolutely do not matter and i constantly over think things and i'm always walking on egg shells. Over these years of sadness and struggling to continue to get up and make a effort, i started to look at things differently,, for example; when it snows most people just look for a second and couldn't care less for it, but when it snows and i notice it, i could stare for hours and watch it fall.

"you care too much" or "your too sensitive", i feel things so deeply and its both a blessing and a curse to have that. I cry when i get yelled at or when i someone i thought care, really doesn't. I take everything to heart and everything i do to heart.

I'm very artistic, i'm interested in the arts, which is definitely a amazing coping skill too have and it always takes my mind off things. Thats also where music comes in, i started listening to Kpop in 2010, which is quite a long time ago, but when i first got into Kpop and people found out, i was horribly bullied for it, but i didn't care, i listened to it.

Thats when my interest in learning the language came in. it took 2 years to actually get the hang of it, but that was another skill i gained, definitely was not easy, but i took my mind off everything i was worried about.

When highschool finally came up into my life, i started meeting people like me and that actually cared and wanted to stay with me through it, they didn't care about my music or that i read shakespear and actually found pleasure in doing it.

when i thought everything was better, actually, it was about to get worse. I moved in with my father and started dating a boy, that boy told me horrible things, it was quite a toxic relationship but i still stayed with him and i know, to this day, i shouldn't have.

So just block them and be happy, love yourself, and find someone better.

What this message is about is, i'm sorry, i cause more pain on my own family than myself, i put them through hell and i'm terribly sorry. Im sorry i was so different and i couldnt just fit in, im sorry you had to do so much and i couldnt do anything in return, i truly do love all of you.