give up, quotes, and sad image

"Hey, look into my eyes," he said.
I shook my head in a sign of no.
"Are you afraid that the look in my eyes will hurt you?" he asked.
I shook my head once again in a sign of no.
"Are you afraid that the look in your eyes will hurt me?" he asked again.
"Yes," i breathed out slowly.

It was a conversation with my high school teacher and footbal coach at one. At that time i really thought he wanted to help me. Maybe he really wanted. He always was considerate towards me. He called me "sweetheart" infront of my team memebrs, he drew a heart next to my inicials. He was kind and respectful. I was convinced he really wanted me to get better but after some time he saw how fucking broken i am and maybe realized there is no thing such as help for me.

The worst part is he made me believe that i really deserved to get better, i felt like someone actually cared for me but than it all stopped and made me feel useless.

He gave up on me and there was no reason for me to keep trying.

I gave up on me too.

So since than it's really hard for me to open up to someone in a fear they might just walk away one day without a word.

I put myself together thanks to myself and not anyone else. I made it through the hardest part myself and i'm not willing to give someone a chance to fuck up for me what i'm building for years now.

The thing is: he knew very well how broken i was, and all i cared about was not to hurt him, not to be a burden for him, but all he did was reach out a hand for me but when i was about to grab it he pulled it back.

- ✧Katty✧