Okay, I'm going to start off this letter knowing that you'll never read it so I feel comfortable saying everything that I want to say but never could.

Don't you just hate when you know the exact words you wanna say to someone but when you come face to face with them nothing comes out? That is exactly how I feel about you. I wish I could walk up to you slap you in the face and tell you the asshole you are. I wish I could tell you how defensive you made me.

I knew what I was getting into and yet I still got hurt. Because of you I became guarded so that my heart wouldn't break again. Because of you I think every guy is a jerk. Because of you I feel so vulnerable. All of this is because of you and yet, none of it's your fault. You never deceived me, I knew who you were before I got attatched, and oh boy, how I wish that never happened. I started to resent you for that, God, I might even have started to hate you, in my weird and twisty way.

Everything I just said here is about how I want to hate you and all the shit you done and how I want to get you out of my mind, but right now feels pretty impossible. Every time I get over you, every time I finally start to heal, you come back making me feel like I'm 14 years old again.

I hate the power that you have over me. I hate the fact that I know all this and can't do anything about it but wait because time heals everything. Even a broken heart.

Even my broken heart.

"But mostly, I hate the way I don't hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all."

--- m.c.m.