I don't know if it's love, or merely an infatuation. I just know that I've never felt this way before. I didn't fall in love with him the moment I met him; we'd gone to the same middle school and we'd never said a word to each other. I knew who he was. He probably knew who I was. We never crossed paths.

It all changed two years ago, when we were in the same class. Not for the first time. God, he'd changed so much.

At first, we became friends because he'd tried to set me up with his friend. "You're a nice girl and I want him to be happy", he'd said. I'd thought that he was a good friend, that was all.

I've always been hesitant to post our story on the Internet, always so anxious that someone I know would find out that I still have feelings for him. But you know what? The internet is huge. The chance of that is so unlikely. I've got nothing to fear.

We've never really kissed. I remember playing hide and seek, us hiding in the same closet together. He'd wanted me to stand on the inside so he could hide me but being the stubborn idiot I am, I'd refused. I remember being close to him. So close to him.

I remember when he'd asked if he could hug me the first time, and that he'd done it before I could reply. It felt so good to be in his arms.

I miss him. I never see him anymore. We never talk anymore. He moved on so fast, so much faster than I could. Here I am, four months after he asked me to hug him one last time before he left, missing him. He has her now. She's much prettier, much cooler, much more confident than I could ever be. I wish I could say that I hope they're happy. But to be honest, I hope he comes back to me.

hands, grunge, and tumblr image