to my one and only, princess.

hi to my dear joy, this is your prince mark speaking. chuckles, you must be laughing at how cheesy i am right now- but you like cheesy don’t you? you don’t know how nervous i was preparing this- i just want everything to be perfect for my perfect princess. so here goes:

on the first time we talked, i just thought you’re really cute and adorable- i just feel like protecting you. thank you for all the replies, even tho i’m lame and sometimes clueless as fuck, thank you for understanding and for still being here. of course, on the first day everybody was shipping etc. and i know you thought that we’re just playing, but i’m here now telling you that i’m serious.

i’m so sorry i couldn’t spend much time with you, because of how i am on hiatus and how life’s busy. trust me, i want to spend my every single moment with you. sometimes i was lurking and tbh i was jealous at how you’re talking with other guys. i felt like i don’t stand a chance at all.

it’s just a few days that we’re talking but, it felt like we've been talking for months yanno. i felt it clearly. i feel like i should protect you, i should keep you safe, i should keep you happy for the rest of your life.

i’m saying this from the bottom of my heart, will you be my princess?

______

I should've sent that message long ago. I should've, I should've, but I didn't.

I met her through this online site. It was quite quirky to find an online site with people communicating with each other but in different identities. It goes like this - you create an account, find someone to roleplay, doesn't matter it's your idol or nyan cat. I was bored out of my mind, so I thought why not?

Little did I know, I would pay my heart and feelings to play this harmless game.

We had this platform called the timeline or rather, TL. All the community members talk here and it's usually very entertaining. I've seen memes, heard about insane stories on personal love experiences, and even learned how to code. All in the timeline. And that is where I met her too.

She was this new face, and usually the new accounts create hype and stir the community. I was one of them of course, anticipating what kind of person would this new girl be.

She came by with the role of Joy, and boy oh boy, she was a little bubble of joy. She started by greeting everyone and I could tell she was in a good mood, or that she was pretending to be.

I was attracted naturally, she's the new girl, plus she seemed nice. I started teasing her, telling her that no one will reply to her greetings as everyone is sleeping. Oh, have I mentioned that timezones were a problem? I'm on the other side of the world, unlike all the others.

She laughed and joked back.

oh really but u replied didnt u HAHAHA

well yea tru but i don't count-

why dont u count lmaooo dont be shy lets b friends < 3

It was that heart. I knew it. The heart that started all the teasing, flirts, late night talking, forgetting the time because it felt so good talking to her.

I was smiling in reality. Genuine smiles. I started to feel my heart, pounding and racing for a girl I've never met. Absurd, isn't it? To fall for a girl through a screen. I don't know where she is, how she looks like, what does she sound like. There's so many questions, but we both know not to ask too much about our real identities.

After all, it was all supposed to be just a game. A dream.

It wasn't until I had school starting again. I started occupying myself, busy with duties and life. At a split second, I almost forgot about her.

But no. That didn't happen.

I remember late at night, I typed up that little confession, hoping she would say yes.

I remember checking into my account again, seeing her talking to other newly joined guys, just like how we talked in the past.

I remember feeling betrayed, searching up that confession, wanting to delete it.

I remember hesitating, hands trembling, because I knew I'm in too deep.

I remember ignoring your attempts of messaging me, muting your notifications, and eventually muting the whole site.

I remember a month later, I thought of you. I checked in again, hoping to see you still there, hoping that we could go back to the way it was.

I remember searching furiously for your account, but to my dismay, you were gone.

I remember asking the moderators, what has happened to the joy who was so popular at one time, and they chucked me a long passage that she wrote.

I remember reading it, tears uncontrollably rolling down. She deleted everything - every message, every picture, every heart. The adorable heart she was so well-known for. She only left a letter, said she is emotionally unstable and she has to cut out social media. She had this long list of disorders. I wish it was all a lie. I wish for her smiles to be real. But all my wishes were unheard and she was nowhere to be found.

I remember feeling regret.