Memo for the present and future 💔

When a friend meets the wrong boyfriend, we sense danger from afar and begin a liberation operation. But when it comes to ourselves, as someone wise said, "it's hard to see 'red flags' when you're wearing rose-colored glasses."

Therefore, today, as a faithful friend, we will help you to recognize a boyfriend who is not worthy of you.

1.It makes you feel worse
It doesn't matter if this is a consequence of his actions or your internal reactions - to be in a relationship with a person with whom you feel bad is simply useless.

It happens that a guy seems to behave normally, but you still feel anxious. Perhaps his body language or ambiguous phrases hint to you that you are not welcome. You take over his irritation and you feel worse.

2. You doubt your - and his - feelings
At the beginning of a relationship, this is normal. There are not many words in the human lexicon to describe all facets of different feelings. It happens that you cannot find the correct noun for the nascent feelings, and therefore you doubt the feelings in general.

But the longer you meet, the more definite (not serious, but definite) intentions towards each other become. They need to be voiced to keep the relationship honest.

3. He doesn't listen to you
We are all sometimes distracted and cannot concentrate on one task - such is our brain. It's okay if a guy can't retell your monologue word for word after a hard day. This is not a question of ability, but of desire. For example, he might say, "Honey, I want to rest now, but we'll get back to the conversation later."

If you notice that your boyfriend is constantly in the clouds, sits on the phone or is not distracted from the show when you try to talk, this is a red flag.

4. He does not support your goals
However, your goals may differ.

But we enter into relationships to get better.

If your partner does not support you, then this is more like emotional parasitism. When we love another, we wish him only well. Therefore, a guy (like a girl) should know where their loved one is going and help if possible.

5. He forces you to hug, kiss, or have sex
Forcing an intimate relationship when you are not ready is unacceptable, but this is not the only sign worth looking at. For example, if you are pinched or tickled even though you don't like it. When you are pawed or spanked, although you asked not to do it. You have to share a sudden kiss on the cheek with an unwelcome French kiss on the tongue - we think you will draw the border yourself.

A loving person respects the boundaries of the other.

6. Relationships are built around him
You notice that everything that he likes is considered the norm, and that what you like is extra. For example, you always order pizza, even though deep down you would like to eat less fast food. You watch the show he has chosen, go to the places he prefers.

Sometimes it is difficult to trace the balance in a relationship, and there will always be imbalances. It is important to note two points:

Is he interested in your preferences himself? Does it offer you to choose something?

Do you offer food / leisure options yourself? How honest are you in these moments?

If you realize that in fact, you yourself rarely bring up what you like for discussion, just show more initiative.

7. He never speaks sweet words.
And he covers it up with the phrase "but when I say them, it's in a special way." Why wait for a special occasion to tell your loved one that he is loved?

It's not about compliments: if you sincerely admire a person, for you the positive traits of your boyfriend are just facts, just reality.

8. He doesn't try to find common ground with your family or friends.
It is not necessary for people from all walks of life to become best friends. It's just okay when no one ignores anyone. For example, he can send greetings to his mother, take an interest in the health of a friend in the hospital, and rejoice at his brother's success at school. Nothing special, but these are the little things that show that he is interested in all areas of your life.

9. And your friends do not have the best opinion of him
Of course, there are situations when a friend and not a friend at all: he is jealous and for some reason does not want your happiness. But if we are talking about real friends, then they probably want only the best for you and get upset when you are not treated properly.

10. You've never met his friends
But on condition that you live in the same city, meet for a couple of months and he is familiar with your friends. Situations can be different: for example, he has only one friend, and he does not like to communicate with people. Then the guy should explain the situation to you so that you don't worry.

But if you constantly hear stories of him and his team having fun on the weekends, and your name is not, he may be shy or consider you an inappropriate party.

11. He thinks you are exaggerating everything.
You say that you are offended by his joke, and he replies - "Well, do not exaggerate." You are not Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin, who skillfully dealt with hyperbole - you are a living person with your feelings that must be respected.

If you say that you are hurt, hurt or bad, then it is so.

You are not exaggerating - he misunderstands.

12. He flirts with others
An important clarification: some people are simply open and friendly in life, but they are mistaken for insidious seducers. Usually, in the first few weeks, such a person himself explains that there is nothing to worry about, it is just such a character.

Plus we all need a little social approval and the knowledge that we are still wanted. Flirting for this exists - it leads to a serious relationship in one or two.

Therefore, in some couples, flirting with other people is appropriate as long as both partners are faithful to each other.

But if a guy is not particularly distinguished by friendliness, but with others he turns into a peacock with a tail blossoming with pride, then it is clearly not a matter of character. Especially if, at your remark, he begins to defend himself and deny everything. Especially if it's not just words, but also touch and body language.

13. He's cheating on you
Comments are superfluous. Here everyone determines for himself whether he is able to forgive.

14. He doesn't believe you
It doesn't matter for whatever reason. But without trust, there is no healthy relationship.

15. He doesn't like it when you are not with him.
When two are in love, they tend to spend as much time with each other as possible. But if these two are also separate people, they understand that personal time is necessary.

With friends, with family, with a hobby, or alone with a book, you both have the right to "recharge" separately.

This does not mean that you get tired of each other, it’s just the properties of the brain: to stay interested, you need to periodically change the environment. And if your boyfriend is jealous when you go out with friends or does not understand why you need to sit at home and read a book, then he is not for you.

16. He always blames you during arguments - and never apologizes himself
Situations are different: sometimes one person is a little more right than another. But in a healthy relationship, both are responsible for the conflict.

The two must fight not with each other, but with a common misunderstanding.

A good boyfriend will not accuse you of anything and stigmatize that it is you who are always misunderstanding something, have not done something, have forgotten something. The guy has the right to express dissatisfaction, and at the same time he will try to understand your point of view. A particularly disturbing sign if you are constantly guilty, but he never asks for forgiveness for the things where he messed up.

17. He threatens to end your relationship.
Manipulating emotions with the hope that you will get scared and stay. Only here's a normal boyfriend:

will not threaten such a person whom he loves;

if I wanted to break, I would do it directly and without hints;

As soon as you hear such things, nod and leave yourself.

18. He cuts to your plans.
It's one thing if insurmountable circumstances arise, such as helping a family or school debt. Another is if he constantly dumps you for a video game or meeting friends.

In a healthy relationship, partners respect the other's time and give early warning of schedule changes.

19. You never said that you were dating.
Ok, there are couples in which everything spun so quickly that no one had time to say anything. If they are happy, great. But there are times when you feel bad, you declare this, and he replies - "so we do not meet, relax." And that's right, relax. And go away.

20. He is not interested in what you are interested in.
You don't have to watch all the seasons of Pretty Little Liars, you don't have to distinguish concealer from highlighter - you just have to respect your hobbies. The guy who gets annoyed and rolls his eyes every time you walk into a beauty store, kindergarten place.

21. He doesn't want to discuss the future
Of course, it all depends on the duration of your relationship - coming up with a name for a future dog on a second date is weird (although it does happen!). But if you have never discussed plans at all, although you have been dating for a year or two, either you are not interested in this and you want a relationship for the sake of a relationship (which, believe me, is absolutely normal), or you are secretive.

It doesn't matter if it's a school romance or love for life - the main thing is that you are honest with each other in this matter.

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