Many times as a fan I wonder when this happiness will last. If all this is merely momentary, and you donโ€™t have to be a genius to know that nothing lasts forever.

I always found it hard to understand what happiness is, before, when I was still too innocent to understand how life works, probably in my head happiness was toys, snacks, playing at school, going for a walk with my parents, watching movies, or just touching the wet earth on rainy days or picking flowers on spring days. Happiness for me was nothing more and nothing less than simple things that made me feel good.

The truth is that, once you grow up, happiness is hard to spot. Itโ€™s like those friends you once had, but in the end, they were just tourists after all. And I think with everything Iโ€™ve been through in my short โ€” but not so short โ€” life of 26 years, that happiness really is short-lived, much more short-lived than I want it to be, because it doesnโ€™t last long, or because if I find it, it slips through my hands.

There are days when I donโ€™t want to get up at all, I simply cannot. I donโ€™t have any strength, even though I know my body is strong and I rarely get sick, I canโ€™t move my entire self. And it is my mind that is the problem because it does not cooperate, and so, instead of being just one day of laziness, it is two full weeks in which I have not been able to get out of bed except to eat and bathe. This was a daily routine before I met BTS.
One time I decided to give these 7 guys a chance, I said, โ€œwhat can go wrong? Iโ€™m just curious, itโ€™s not that big of a deal. Why are they constantly being mentioned? What did they really do to get their fame? Yeah, theyโ€™re good-looking. Well, are they talented?โ€ And with those questions, I watched a video. Then another. And so, I spent a whole night in what would have been another night weeping to myself, and I watched videos and read lyrics about this band instead.

At that moment something changed. I was in denial somehow, I never saw fanaticism as a good deed, and I always made it a rule to depend only on myself and no one else. I was always independent, and for me fanaticism was, and to some extent still is emotional dependence.
But I gave in. It was hard at first with so much denial on my part, โ€œI canโ€™t possibly like BTS. No way. Iโ€™m not Army, Iโ€™m just curious about themโ€ But I noticed something in my daily routine: I wasnโ€™t crying as much as before, I even felt like working out to their music (especially the rapline, you have no idea how many times I played UGH! for my cardio routines,) writing, creating art in any possible way.

I couldnโ€™t deny it anymore, I finally understood that it was undeniably an Army.

The truth is, itโ€™s truly difficult to explain to another person who is not a fan of BTS the good they gave and give me on a daily basis. For many, this is just fanaticism, passing happiness. For others, Iโ€™m just ridiculous because for my age itโ€™s not acceptable to be a fan of anything or anyone for that matter. And the truth is, I have no answers as to whether this is passing happiness or not. I know that there will be a certain point in life that these 7 guys will have to make their lives outside of the BTS name, but I am also very sure that this relationship of BTS and Army was, is, and always will be something unbreakable and hard to corrupt.

And then I understood, whether temporary or not, happiness is not easy to achieve because we seek it in a sort of complex and far-reaching forms, but in fact, happiness is something as simple as a toy for a child and a hopeful song for a desolate and lost listener. Happiness is something simple, but it is not simple to find it, and it can easily slip out of our lives one second to the next one. But with BTS, being Army with a lot of pride now, I understood that I was doing it all wrong, that I was looking for unreal happiness, something that would take me out of my problems as if it were a fairy tale dream. In reality, you find happiness in those little everyday moments, in the things that make you feel good, even if only for a brief instant. A cup of tea, a good book, even sleeping without thinking about anything, all that is happiness.

BTS, for me, and for many, is a source of comfort, and itโ€™s that happiness that we long for so long.

And I feel like a kid again, because I can smile at the smallest things, and itโ€™s all thanks to them.

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This was written for a monthly event celebrating the lyricism of BTS, more info here= @/wordsby_bangtan on Twitter.
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