It’s almost 4am and i still can’t get you out of my mind.
The last drop of wine and that burning cigarette are staring at me, i’m not sure whether i’m really sober or i’m just still dizzy because of those sharp words that you have said to me last month, everytime i recall our last conversation i get the same pain in my chest and i don’t think that wound will be healed any sooner.
I can’t find the right words to describe my feelings it’s just a lot of opposite emotions and it is so overwhelming, until the last moment i thought i didn’t care, i thought i would never get hurt and that i’m having control over all of what we had in between but little did i know that my toxic behavior will tear me apart, at first it was all about the late night conversations,the small fights and the sweet intimacy that we’ve shared but it was way much more than this.

It all started when i wanted to experience how does it feel to have a close person who will give me attention and spend some good time with me, i didn’t consider the feelings’ part, i thought i will do like everyone else out there but apparently everyone was lying at each other.
When i started getting goosebumps when her name pops up in my phone screen i knew that there’s something odd happening to me and i wanted it to stop, i didn’t have a proper reason i just wanted to leave as if i was afraid of something, and now i can’t stop thinking about her, i want to get back in time and fix it all, but isn’t this what every failure says after creating a mess ? it actually sounds so cheap and disgusting because i should have considered the consequences before doing this to someone who was once the source of my joy and comfort, it’s too late now and i don’t even have the courage to ask for a second chance because i know very well how bad i messed up, i just wish you’ll forgive me someday for every tear that you’ve shed because of me.