oh, has it been a hot minute since i've uploaded anything here lately. if i'm being honest, so much has happened in just the past couple of months. i won't keep you waiting any further. so i have been dating my bf for a little over seven months now. i initially met him through the internet, social media. when i found out be was but a couple hours away from me was thrilled. however, i kept the relationship pretty much secret from everyone just in fear of what my past relationships ended up as they were either online or kept secretive. just three weeks ago i finally told my dad and then later my mom discovered about my bf. i can't tell you why i ever let fear dictate or control my life. or let self-limiting beliefs and doubts and negativity control me. well, either way i am here. i moved in with him just a few weeks ago. so much is happening at once, i'll tell you that. i have been a mixture of every emotion lately. i discovered, i believe, after one, my first semester of college that it wasn't for me, or at least not currently. i have no idea what i'm doing with my life, to be quite honest. i am doing better than i've ever been, yet i'm still scared of the future. after so many terrible, toxic breakups and heartaches and mixture of trauma, it's crazy to even believe that i have found my soulmate-that i've found who, the guy who, i want to spend my entire life with. who i want to marry soon.

oh, and i also quit my not so great job. that's another dramatic change and decision i made as i drove off to another town down south from my hometown. i felt, especially that night, as i was crying down the interstate not even knowing where i was driving in the middle of the night like i'm the main character of my own movie. i feel absolutely crazy yet also i now have gotten a job that pays much more, has more benefits, and my bf and i are working towards this year soon to move out just the two of us in our first apartment, all at 19. moving out from your parents is all normal stuff, except don't practically run off or away like i did without talking it out with your family, because now my family worries even more, mostly my father. it's okay. i'm getting my life together, right? i'm now nearly broke ( yay i have a good job now so not broke in a week here aha) and possibly will drop out of college as well, but i'm still somewhat mentally intact. i feel much better off here. i've started to make friends, well my bf's friends. everyone is pretty nice here. my one new hobby is walks across the lake here. it's so ever peaceful and a great way to sort my thoughts out. i don't want to be here forever, for i am a huge wanderlust. i have to, no i WILL see so much more of the world. i'm very grateful for the one beautiful country, the DR, and the handful of other states i haver gotten the chance to visit and see, but i'm so ready to see and do more. i don't care if i get famous or rich; i care about making and creating memorable experiences and building strong relationships with people i love.

so my life has been all over the place recently lol. i am more than happy and excited. i'm on the verge of tears and nervous for the future all at the same time. i can be impatient sometimes and get upset when i can't see or understand everything that's gonna happen or become of my life or the future. but, i guess, that is the beauty of life, of living, right? we're not meant to see or know everything on the road ahead. that would just take away from the fun of life. not to get super deep here or anything lol. my mind and thoughts are everywhere. to keep from rambling, i'll stop here for now and keep it somewhat short. thank you for reading all this, if it made any sense that is lol. i'll try to get on her more often and post, i've just been so busy and occupied. i do love writing and especially writing blog posts.