My friend said he is my happy place.
I disagreed.

I refuse to believe people that you fall in love with are there to be your happy place.
Or to give your life meaning.

I don't to make anyone feel like I'm the only reason they get up in the morning.
It puts so much pressure on them.
I know that because I am a mother and as mother you are tempted to put that pressure on your child.

Maybe this is the reason I became a mother at such an early age in the first place. Probably.
But I learned that this isn't fair.
This isn't unconditional love.
And I want to give this to my child. I love you because you exist and are who you are.

So my happy place is me I guess.

Me being with people I love.

I was afraid this isn't possible because I don't love myself.
But it's possible.
Try thinking of it you can enjoy something you don't like doing with the right people.

Like living or existing.

But isn't that the same as telling someone they are your happy place?
Not being able to be happy without them?

My happy places can only be coexisting. And I think knowing that all of it is temporary makes the happy places you create like the stars and moon and shine at night. They are there by day too but you can't see them. They change everyday but reform and shift back like the seasons.
And nothing ever is lost when you think of it with love.
And nobody ever leaves you if they stay in your heart.

Some thoughts on the love I want to give people and receive.

Thanks for reading, feeling like I have to empty my head right now.
I often feel to pressured and anxious to write :)

xoxo