I never felt so lonely in my life but this pandemic made me feel that way. Just to be safe we need to isolate ourselves, we need to stay home and we are limited to go out because it was dangerous exposing ourselves on the outside. Don’t get me wrong I am an introverted person and I really love being alone but this is way too much and I didn’t like it at all.

It was after Christmas last 2020 when I feel so alone, that out of the blue I wish I have someone to celebrate Christmas with me like intimately I don’t know why I feel that way that I wish I had someone because that was so not me. I stalked my ex-almost boyfriend and he already has a girlfriend which I didn’t take lightly that time and I think it was unfair that he was now happy while I am miserable so I cried about it. I was seeing pictures of my friends with their partners they’re happy, I am seeing lots of videos of cute romantic couples and I feel alone. I feel like I wish I have that so I tried dating but I just can’t, there is a part of me that is not ready yet. There is a part of me that need more love from myself, and there is still part of me that wants to just focus on myself.

I thought I wasn’t healed yet, I thought that I need that person back, and I thought that having that person back would make me happy but no. No because I need to find my happiness myself and I shouldn’t find it in other people. I should love myself rather than finding that love from other person.

So I focused on myself and I found that I could be happy even I am all alone. I don’t need validation from other people because I love myself enough and it was okay to make mistakes and what matters is you get back up and fight again. Life wouldn’t give you some challenges you can’t survive but life will throw you challenges that will make you stronger.