obsessing about the same thoughts, ideas and people for hours on end isn't normal
having explosions of different emotions and ideas every hours isn't normal
jumping from one thought to another isn't normal either
needless to say, my mind never sleeps
it talks to me all day long
except for when i'm dreaming

this is my everyday normal
i've learned how to live with it
trained myself to blend in well with others
but days like these drives me to fall back into old destructive habits

i want to drown myself in smokes and meaningless conversations to keep my real demons at bay
i've grown tired of watching myself from every corners and analyzing my behaviors
every living minutes
thinking of every solutions possible just to keep myself out of trouble
the last thing i need right now is instructions
i'm not looking for the right thing to do or saving
i don't care for it
i want to watch myself burn and destroy everything i have ever built
there's no rationality behind my intent
no hatred for myself either
just a deep desire to submerge myself in pure madness