A year ago, on this date, 26 February 2020 were exactly at 3:45 am, where I lost you. Where I lost my best friend who I love the most in my life, my first love. I lost you because you found someone, someone that you have a feeling, someone who makes you willingly do anything for her.

I lost myself. My world getting darker and falling apart. For a moment, I can't breathe, I even can't stand with my both leg. I was never expecting that I'm gonna face really bad heartbroken. It was a horrible, and nightmare. I hate that feeling and I wish it goes away soon. It was a mistake, I love my best friend and it shouldn't happen.

Monday 2 March 2020, 11:00 am+ we run each other in the campus. That was the last time we met and our handshake and then, I never see you again until now.

I was in a mess back then for the past few days, few weeks, few months. Even until now. I remember I've not eaten for almost a month. Just eat when I hanging out with my friends but that's only after class and that's it because I don't want them to know why.

Letting you go it's not easy (still trying). You're (or was) my best friend. Being your best friend is one of the greatest in my life that I've experienced. There's so much happening and I learned and I really grateful it happened. And a part of me ungrateful because it makes me fragile whenever I miss you. Can you imagine someone you have spending time almost for 1 decade disappears just like that? Or been there?

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You were there when I needed you the most. And so do I. I appreciated every single thing that you've done for me. 7 years of friendship is not a short period. No one man can ever replace your existence in my life. I can promise you that. I know that because I tried.

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Thanks to one of your friends, he helps me going through it a lot. Thank you for introducing him to me. He's such a good friend. I wish the 3 of us can hangout like the old days, Gang Farisa.

One year after which is on this date, I'm doing fine, so far, I think? Trying my best, moving forward, and living my life without your appearance. We used to hang out together, and now I'm getting used to being alone, catch up with some old friends, make some new friends, new hobby (i think haha).

There are 5 stages of grief @ heartbreak; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Right now I'm in-between depression and acceptance. I hope I can go through this phase.

There is one favourite quote from one of my favourite movie, Love Rosie;

No matter where you are or what you're doing, or who you're with,
It doesn't matter, it doesn't change it,
I always have and I always will, honestly, truly, completely,
Love you.
- Rosie Dunne

Wish to hear from you. I hope you happy and doing fine too.

Till we meet again S.

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