Who doesn't love talking about sex ~

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When it comes to one's first time, it can be filled with curiosity, fear, and expectations. Everyone experiences it differently, and I think talking about it, and sharing each others' stories allows us to realize that it's not always going to play out like how you see it in movies, read it in books, or see it in porn (definitely far from how porn can represent it).

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So, I thought I'd continue from my first article and answer additional questions because it was pretty fun talking about it, and I hope this allows others to feel more comfortable in some type of way. Remember, this is coming from my own perspective and experiences, and I am not an expert in any way.

How do you know when you're ready to have sex?

I've always believed that you have this feeling of knowing. I had mentioned this in my first article where I had initially felt like I wanted to just sleep with anyone because I didn't want to be a virgin anymore, and when I was with my first boyfriend, and the opportunity rose, I actually hesitated. We ended up never having sex because deep down, I didn't feel ready, and I definitely believe that doing it with the right person plays a role as well. That doesn't mean you have to be in a serious relationship to be ready, because ultimately, it's your own decision on when you feel like it'll be right for you. It's different for everyone, there is no scheduled timing to when you're supposed to be ready. The one thing I would say, is to never feel pressured to do it.

I'm embarrassed to tell my partner it's my first time having sex, what do i do?

Sex can play a big part in a relationship, but communication is also a bigger necessity in a relationship too. Communicate your fears and feelings with your partner, because if they never learn about what you're going through, you're never going to have a healthy relationship. I'm not saying you need to discuss sex right away, it takes time. For me, my boyfriend and I didn't talk about it until 6 - 7 months into our relationship, and when it happened, we were at a time where we were very comfortable with one another. Everyone will be different. Talking about it will come naturally, just like your first time will. The more open you are, the more understanding and patient your partner will be, and if they're not, they're really not the right person for you.

How do you initiate having sex?

Like everything else, it'll be different for everyone. Some can be more up front about it, others will be a little more shy. When it came to the intimate parts of my relationship, my boyfriend and I were very progressive because we didn't want to rush anything. It was like a build up. I would be more affectionate, by innocently touching or kissing him, and if my boyfriend reciprocated in the same way, it ended up always leading to more. Now that we're way more comfortable with each other, I can be more brave and just straight up ask him, or tell him that I'm in the mood. Don't think about it to much. Sometimes playfulness can lead to sexiness, and that's always a great transition.

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Was your first time special?

It was special in the sense that my boyfriend and I had shared our first time together, and that is something that will never change. I feel like some people believe their first time should be filled with roses and candles, and all that, and maybe for some it will be, but for others, that's just not going to be the expectation. Some don't care whether their first time is special or not, but for those who do care, the only thing that should matter is that you're sharing it with someone you really love, and no matter what happens, that experience is always going to be just between you and them. All that extra stuff is...well, extra (think of them as bonuses).

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I'm nervous that my partner won't enjoy having sex with me.

This is going to be easier said than done, but do your best to not have such high expectations on how sex will be like. Sex can be very awkward and confusing and hard (well, the man might be hahaha, excuse my pun there), and everyone needs to accept that those are all normal feelings. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.
Another thing i've mentioned is to communicate, communicate, communicate. Explain how you're feeling to your partner so they can understand better. Ask them what they enjoy, and tell them what you enjoy so you can both learn how to better pleasure and satisfy one another. It's not a bad thing to communicate what you want. It's worse if you pretend.
The first time, for anything for that matter, is not always going to be how you picture. You have to practice to make it better, and who doesn't want to practice having sex?

How long was your first time?

We just spent a lot of hours in bed, whether that be cuddling to having sex, to foreplay, to sleeping. I didn't really think of specifically timing my first time lol. Just enjoy it, there's no need to keep track of how long it lasts.

What is the best position?

This can vary amongst everyone, and there is no "best position" because it's pretty subjective. Some like missionary, while others like experimenting different positions. My boyfriend and I have tried different positions, and there are some that don't work for us. The easiest is missionary, but also having him from the back is just as pleasurable. Do what works for you guys!

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Who should bring the condoms? You or your partner?

Again, there is no right answer to this because it doesn't matter who buys it as long as there's protection involved. For me, my boyfriend usually has them, but i have suggested carrying some as well just in case.

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How do you know which condoms to buy?

So, i'm speaking of male condoms here as I've never had experience with female condoms, but do some research! My boyfriend and I (more so him than me) did a lot of research before buying certain condom brands. Once you're more informative, the easier it'll be to figure out which works for both of you. It also doesn't hurt to buy a few brands to see. Keep in mind, It's not just your boyfriend who has to find the right one for himself, it has to work for you as well. My boyfriend initially bought non-latex condoms because he wasn't sure if we would be allergic to latex so read up on the material that may work best, and make sure you get the right size! Wearing the wrong size can lead to breakage, slippage, and overall, just a messy outcome. Here are some resources that explain condom sizes, materials, and how to properly put them on:



That's all for this article. Again, i hope this ends up being helpful for others, and that some of what I said can be relatable in some way. Overall, don't put so much pressure on yourself or your partner when it comes to your first time. Just have fun, let it happen naturally, and stay safe!

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