It's still a mystery to me. How a person can disappear from one day to the next from your life. How that person was your support and anchor, you could tell and share everything with them. Now suddenly it's gone.

"We can still be friends." The typical phrase they always use. At first I said that couldn't be, after all we had been through. Yet that one was certain. We could still do everything together that we had planned, just as friends. Despite my broken heart, I believed it. I believed that everything was going to be okay and we could effectively be friends, after everything. Until he decided that I'm not enough anymore. That my stories are boring and my feelings don't count anymore. He doesn't need me in his life anymore and he shows it clearly.

Why can't I be happy for once. Can there be someone for once who makes me happy, who understands me and wants to stay with me?

I doubt myself. Am I good enough? Am I too ugly? Am I too anti-social? How can I change myself? How can people like me more? Questions haunt my mind day and night. Working on myself is important, but I also need to remain myself. If I can't do that, who am I? If I can't be myself, why should people like me when I act like someone else? Do I have to keep wearing that mask then? Are they going to stay in my life like that?

I want to be your friend and I want to ask you how things are going. Spending days together and drunken nights out. That's what friendship is to me. Having fun, laughing and being able to talk. Stop pushing me away. It doesn't feel right. I'm breaking, my heart keeps breaking. Stay with me. Please don't go away again. Not another person who leaves me and goes to someone better. Don't go away again..