Today it’s not that difficult to find people who don’t like themselves, hate the way they look, you know. I mean, no that there are no people who love themselves, that’s great, I’m so happy for them.
But when you look around you, honestly, how many of your friends, family members, etc don’t love themselves ?

And why ?
That’s a crazy question. Indeed, why do we hate ourselves so much for so many years, while we’re able to fall in love with someone so quickly ? We accept their flaws and everything they are, but we don’t accept what WE are ? Geez, what the Herk is wrong with us ?
To be honest, I though about that when I was in the shower the other night (pretty sure that’s what we all do). Anyway, why do I hate myself ?

Until now, the first and only answer that comes to my mind is social medias. This thing is toxic, poisonous, everything you want. Yeah, you can find very good things on it (I won’t lie, I’m the first one to spend hours on Instagram and Tik Tok, laughing at stupid photos and videos —but damn some people are reaaaaally good though). But spending hours, days looking at pictures of girls with amazing bodies ? Yeah, but wrong idea, sorry.

The other day, I was watching some family pictures and I found one with myself on it. I was probably 12 or 13 years old and I was wearing a swimsuit (the Winx were posing on my butt, yesss) and I had the body I would literally die for today. I was like « dude ???? what happened ????? ». Well, normal stuff my dear: since this picture I had my period, I started eating between lunch and dinner, I created myself an account on instagram and... I grew up.
My body changed, it went from a child body, to a teen body, to a (almost) woman body. And since it started to change and evolve, I haven’t stopped comparing it to other bodies. I compared myself to my friends, to my cousins, to Kendall Jenner and to all the girls on the Internet.
« Why does she have long and thin legs and I don’t ? »
« Why does she have pretty straight hair and I don’t ? » 
« Why does she have big beautiful eyes and amazing lips and I don’t ? »
BAM ! With Instagram, came all of those insecurities about my body. Until 14, I didn’t know what worrying about my body meant. Well dude, now I know it FOR SURE.

The fact is that my parents are very thin, and I’m not and I talked about it with my mom. I guess at a certain point, she understood by herself that I didn’t like myself. I was never wearing dresses or skirts and -god- when I discovered the art of hoodies… well, I started to wear some all the time. I hated summer and loved winter: in other words, the less people would see my body, the best it would be. So, anyway, I talked about it with my mom you know I showed her pictures of Kendall Jenner’s legs or just some pictures of girls with beautiful faces and she was always like « yes, Agathe, but that’s not true. That’s photoshopped, no doubt ». Yeah thanks mom, probably, but I guess some people met Kendall Jenner in the street and had the opportunity to see that she hadn’t photoshopped 30 centimeters to her legs. I mean at a certain point, we have to admit that some people have the body we all would die for. That’s just the wya it is, that’s unfair, well that’s life and we have to deal with it. Trust me, my inner self COMPLETELY disagrees with those last words but hey, I’m writing an article so I’m trying to be positive lol.

So, I hate myself because I keep comparing myself to anybody. See a girl in the subway. Yup, gonna compare myself to her, you can count on it (btw shoutout to all those girls I stare in the street/subway: I’M NOT JUDGING YOU I JUST WANT TO BE YOU BECAUSE I THINK YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL). And years after years, the list of all the things I hate about me continued to grow with me. Sometimes I look myself in the mirror, I sight and I just go back to my bed to eat. Yeah, that’s life. Lately I know I gained some weight and I’m afraid of weighting myself by why? Why being afraid of that, that’s so ridiculous.

So what do I do about now that I know that? I wake up every morning and say. « You’re beautiful » to my reflection in the mirror? Yeah, tried that but it didn’t work. The truth is I don’t have the answer to this problem. Maybe a psychologist does and maybe I should go and see one to talk about all of this. I know that my phone and my toxic self are the problem. But for now I try to work on my own. For example I saw this tweet one day it said something like « you know this girl you see in the street and you notice she has a beautiful smile, or a beautiful hair or fabulous legs and you won’t tell her because you don’t know her and you don’t want to look weird? Well, never forget that you are this girl to someone else in the world » You see the point right? Someone in the street finds something beautiful in you while you’re starring at this girl with the beautiful smile. It’s so easy when it comes to find an attractive detail to someone else, as long as it’s not to you. It makes me think about the song ‘Heather’ from Conan Gray where he says that Heather is perfect and so he understands why this guy that he’s in love with is dating her. And next to this, he says that « he’s not even half as pretty ». I think that’s awful.

So don’t hate yourself. But I also know that is is terribly hard to love yourself, and if you can't, it’s TOTALLY fine. Just remember that you’ve been through so many things since you were born and the person you are today is the result of all of that. No matter what you look like, no matter your weigh as long as it’s not harmful for your health, just be you and it’s ENOUGH. I know is sounds absolutely cliché the way I said that, but keep that in mind. I love you, I love you, I love you. And if you need to talk, you where to find me :D

Love,

Agathe