I recently saw someone posting online with the caption "Imagine telling people this was your ex." and proceeded to post photos of themselves.

Just because you're physically attractive doesn't mean that you're meant for someone. Doesn't mean that the partnership should have worked out. Just because two individuals didn't work out, doesn't always reflect on the people as individuals. Sometimes two people aren't meant to be together, don't work well together or just don't agree on the fundamentals.

This made me begin thinking about my exes. When I was younger I always wanted to stay in contact with my exes, to be friends because "they were important to me." Which yes. FACT. Most of the time they were, but the key word in there is "were." They were important to me. However, we broke up for a reason - something didn't work or we didn't connect on every level - so why keep them around? In the end that's only hurting one or both of you.

I am however, grateful for all my exes - even the shitty ones (which, is most of them - but that's because I allowed them to treat me poorly by sticking around even though I wasn't being treated well. But that's another post for another time.) They've all become examples of certain things I do want in relationships but aswell as things I don't want in a relationship and also, teaching me my own toxicity because I wasnt the only one mistreated in relationships, I'm sure I've done my equal share of hurting and being toxic.

As I've mentioned in previous posts, I would relationship jump - finding myself in very similar relationships all with the same ending. It was only when I worked full on myself and what I like and dislike about myself - improved and became who I want to be, that I could find someone completely compatible with myself. (Mind you - just because right now I'm who I want to be doesn't mean I'm going to stop growing, stop learning or stop reflecting and improving - there's a l w a y s time and space for that.)

I don't hate or dislike any of my exes, for the first time in my life (yes, even my most toxic, abusive relationship, I don't hate him.)

This time around, I'm going to be more careful who I give myself, my heart and my soul to because I don't want to waste any more energy and I would rather stay single for years before putting my energy into someone who doesn't align with me.

So,

To my exes,
Thank you. Thank you for showing me what I deserve by not treating me as such. Thank you for the good times, even when there was a lot of bad - there was still enough good for me to stick around. Thank you for giving me the tools to grow by putting me into situations that made me feel small. Thank you for watching me grow. Because of ya'll I've had the ability to grow and learn and become the woman I am today. Thank you for being lessons I needed to learn in order to become a better partner for my future person. Thank you for the pain because that's how I learned to let go and move on. And, I'm sorry - I'm sorry for any pain I too caused, I'm sorry if I was toxic to you and if I ever broke your heart. We were both on our own paths and our paths didn't align and that's okay - we're all good people who deserve love and someone to care for us and we will all find that.

Sincerely,
Me.