Hey Lil Hearters!

I decided that for my first article in addition to my spin off of a blog-Lexi's Corner- I was going to share the process in which I decided that the way I was living life prior to quarantine wasn't something I was willing to continue doing. Its something personal and apart of my life very few have ever truly known about. So here's my take and my personal story on the journey into self improvement as well as self fulfillment.

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Background

So recently I've been doing a lot of revision in my life. From addressing the choices I've made in the past few years and of the paths I've decided to go down, and its been a hard process to say the least. Personally, I felt like I'd been floating and not really taking the reins and responsibility of my own life.

Sure I was happy, having fun with those around me, coasting by on the advantages I've already been given, making sound memories, doing things here and there to help my future career path and in the moment had been satisfied with most of it but in hindsight I was lacking so much more. I'd been stuck in time almost. I hadn't pushed myself in years. I hadn't taken absolute care of my mind and body. I was letting go/ avoiding responsibility and approaching adulthood like the plague and I had a set of friends plus a boyfriend that I was settling for. The list truly went on and on and on and It just might've been the sinking nail to my boring mediocre coffin if it hadn't been for quarantine.

Its kinda funny that the only time you truly start to stop and take a look around is when you no longer have the options to keep speeding by the things you need to address. It was only until I was literally plucked out of my everyday life and forced to spend nothing but time with myself that it caused me to notice all of the things that was wrong about the way I was living. It took a lot of self reflection and quiet a few tears to realize that I was heading no where fulfilling.

The Process

At first i'm going to be honest, I didn't want to admit to myself that the so called 'perfect life' I was living was truly all a lie. I didn't want to address that I had had problems or that I'd been doing nothing but coasting through life instead of living it for a lot longer than I was willing to admit. I feel like the way I was able to pull such a show for so long was due to the fact I was working on overdrive to lie to myself saying I had it all when I didn't. The hardest part was taking a step back and noticing all of the little things I've come short on as well as realizing all the lies i'd told myself. So the only way I could really acknowledge my wrong doings was to see it out in front of me and make a list.

Though I'll spare you all the old self-pitying crap, i'd say my list looked a lot like:

- I don't take care of my mind and body like I should
- I get sucked into drama to easily which brings a toll on me
- I never put effort into my schooling like I should
- I don't take responsibility for my actions
- Not all of my friends have my best interest in mind
- I quit soccer out of the too many injuries excuse rather than on my own terms
- My boyfriend hates my friends and I often view him as work rather than pleasure
- My life's kinda an unorganized mess
- I'm such a people pleaser that sometimes I choose others happiness over my own

And on and on and on. Once everything I was trying to hide from was starring right back at me I had no choice but to finally give my not so exceptional life a hard look.

It took a few sit down moments, a lot of thinking through, and a few start up videos but I eventually got myself to a point in which I knew that if I wanted a fulfilling life i'd have to make some pretty wicked changes.

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The Plan

I'd decided in the moment, with my full on list in hand, that I was going to finally put my bullshit (excuse my french haha) aside and get started on anything. Regardless of how minor of a difference it would make at first. At this point in your own process i'd recommend that once you've made the list of things you find not so fitting within your life, that a list of what you DO want can be very beneficial.

When your figuring out what you want for your future and for you daily life you've truly got to think about all the things that make you the happiest. Think of the people that make you feel the most like yourself and bring the good out of you. Think of the hobbies that make you smile. Think of what you do in your daily life that sparks joy. Hell think of the simplest pleasures like a warm cup of coffee in the morning and decide that those types of things is what you desire. Because once you've identified the person and the life you want to live, the process of obtaining that is all the more obtainable.

Make a list that's starts and is similar too-

I want to be that girl/boy that...

And from there list everything you wish your life to look like/be no matter how insanely far fetched you might think it is at the moment. If you see the things you wish to be and become, set on paper, your call to action can arrive much smoother.

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A Call To Action

So once I established what I did and didn't want to be, it was time for me to put my money where my big mouth was. For years prior I'd been claiming to others that I was changing and that I was constantly on the right path of my future when I kinda wasn't even in the same league as it. I had all these specific and quite lofty dreams and wishes but had the work ethic and the motivation of a slug. I knew I wanted the good of life but i'd never wanted the work that it took to get it.

You see in life I was pretty damn lucky. I've got a very happy and supportive family who's never missed an important day/ any day of my life and who loves me unconditionally. I have a roof over my head and food on the table. I've got some of the best friends on the planet. And excuse the modesty but a set of pretty good genes. Which all were complete blessings but rather than taking all of the amazing tools i'd already been given and using them to my advantage to be better, I leaned on them so I could get the minimum without the true work of finding anything hard or fulfilling. So clearly my unproductive ass doesn't have much to complain or bitch about do I. But I used all of that as a crutch rather than a true asset like it was. Instead of launching myself and my capabilities onto the world, I decided to see how far I could get with using as little of that as I could.

It took a lot of self reflection and realizations to come to the conclusion that I'd really been doing myself a disservice and the world by not showing up everyday as the best version of me possible.

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Building A Foundation That Lasts

Lastly to make changes to ones life, you've got to make sure that the changes, you so desire to see in your life, are given the proper tools to even stand a chance in doing so. With me, my hardest battle was myself. I swear I'd be a raging caging millionaire by now with a complete yacht and personal basketball team, if I would've gained a nickel every time I stood in the way of my success. If its from the fears of failing, coming up short, not thinking you have what it takes, or to just simply lacking that motivation to be determined, when looking back into my past the real beast was my thoughts. It took a lot of time, redirecting thoughts, and overall acknowledgement, to truly understand that you can't change yourself if you never go back to the root of the problem. Once I realized that the only way I'd ever get past myself and my short comings was by getting over myself, the game completely changed. I swear, its like a beast just wakes up in you and you finally realize that so much of your life could've been dedicated to a better you if only you'd had the courage to wake up and realize your full potential much sooner. By acknowledging and addressing your problems, you quickly begin to understand and start the process of undoing the things that once held you back.

I know that often times its easier said then done but sometimes you've got to take a wrecking ball to old habits to be able to truly build something that your proud of. Starting over and changing doesn't mean an ending, its really just the beginning.

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Final Thoughts

In Conclusion, quarantine has taught me a lot about myself and of the ways I desire my future to look like. Its brought me a lot of change but most importantly internal recognition and the wake up call I never knew I'd needed. Though i'm pretty damn fair from being perfect or accomplishing everything I desire to accomplish, I'm much closer than I used to be, to living a life I can look back and be proud of. I strongly encourage you to take a look at your life and see if the path your taking truly is making you happy. If it is keeping taking those steps and building those habits towards your dreams. If not address what no longer makes you happy and take the time to change it. Change can be hard but the results can be even better. So stick to the process and know that both your dreams, well being, and happiness are truly worth fighting for.

Sincerely,

- Lexi Bloom

P.S! If you liked this article, make sure to read and show upcoming ones some love!