Something I grew up struggling with has been anger. When I was growing up, I was never taught how to properly express negative emotions, (or emotions in general). In my house, if you were angry, you either became passive aggressive, ignore it or yell and throw things about. Whenever I felt any kind of negative emotion, I was told to "give it up." So, naturally - this caused problems within my teenage and young adult years. I would snap on a dime and get thrown into blackout anger.

In my teenage years, I got charged with assault because, something was said that really hurt me, which caused me to become so angry I started punching another human being and had no recollection of it. I didn't remember doing it. The last thing I remembered was getting angry and the next thing I remembered was walking home, nothing in between. Because of this I had to take a mandatory anger management class. I passed with flying colors and actually took in the information and tools bestowed upon me, and while I cannot say that I started implementing them immediately, the information stuck and like any change in our lives, it takes time.

Throughout the remaining high school years and even into my young adulthood, I would still get angry easily - not a black out, physical rage kind of angry, but rather, a passive aggressive, "revenge" way. I would say hurtful things and do mean things, not violent things. If someone hurt me, or "wronged" me, I would make sure they paid for it - if that meant me telling a secret, or me getting people against them, or just plain being a nuisance towards them. I did some pretty mean/rude shit in my days.

I wanted to equally, if not hurt them more for what they did to me. I had a huge issue with letting go of these negative feelings and felt revenge was the best medicine - however, in that case, I was the only one sick and suffering. This is how I dealt with anger for nearly a decade, if not a little more.

While working on myself, this is something I'm trying really hard to work on. Letting go of things that hurt me or made me angry. But, when someone comes at me about my character, or my short comings , or really anything going on in my life, I get very defensive and my immediate reaction is to seek revenge and hurt them back.

At my 27th birthday, my exes ex choose to try and hurt me and came at me hurling insults, getting in my face, making up bullshit (which, now I'm not too sure was bullshit.) and she just kept trying to rile me up and get a rise out of me, however - I didn't succumb to her antics - I chose to fight my battle with words of kindness. I simply told her that she doesn't have to feel bad for me (she was saying she feels bad I'm so ugly - etc.) but rather I feel bad for her for feeling that she needs to bring others down to feel good about herself or feel good in general. But, when I tell you I had the devil on my shoulder telling me just to push the bitch down the Walshees stairs - I really did. I had to do my deep breaths, repeat my anger management mantra to myself and ultimately I fought her negativity with kindness and won that on gracefully and I did it DRUNK - I was beyond proud of myself.

Right now, I'm in a situation, I have information that could ruin someones happiness and they're temping me - hard by just being rude and commenting about my life and my character for no particular reason because their ego chose to think that I've been saying things about them when I've honestly just been minding my business and living and growing But what I'm choosing to do instead, is write this post to remind myself that revenge is not the best solution when someone's upsetting you and hurting you - letting go and moving on is. Because, who gives a fuck what they think or what they feel. This person is of no relevance to me. Their opinion on my life doesn't matter especially when it's about situations they're completely oblivious to.

I have dreams, goals, aspirations, a future, amazing family, supportive and loving best friend and great pals surrounding me. I'm working on myself and I need to let go of negative forces that are tying me to ego and negativity. Because, in the end - it is my ego being hurt by these things - not my soul, because my soul truly knows better.