Once upon a time, there was a little girl.
She pondered, and pondered, and pondered. She pondered about everything.
She was used to being alone. Silence made it easier to think.
But silence was too loud sometimes.
And thinking too much can be dangerous.
With time, her questions became heavier, tougher. She needed answers.
She was used to being alone, but she craved intimacy, trust, comfort. Warmth.
It wasn’t like she was alone all the time. But sometimes she did feel like she was.
Why am I here?
She realized that... there must be a reason.
Why did it have to be me?
Some people made her think that she wasn’t who she was supposed to be.
Why am I like this?
She sobbed, drenched in tears after a confrontation made her mind shut down.
And all those questions finally became one, when she figured out that nothing really mattered because she was a tiny percentage of the whole universe. What can a tiny portion do? Not much. Would it really matter if she just vanished from existence?
At that moment, she felt alone. Alone in her room, alone in her home. Alone in the world. She felt like she was the only person to ever exist.
Utterly alone. Like the only one who reached that state of mind and stood right there.
In the middle of the night, everyone was asleep, and only the whispers of the recordings of her favorite songs could be heard. She quietly listened to what they had to say. It was like a warm embrace, but also like the cold wind of the night. There was no other moment like that one. There was no other time in the day that could evoke such a feeling.
She could see the stars sparkling before her eyes in deep darkness. That was it. Everything that existed before her eyes, and her, being a microscopic little thing, just pondering. Always pondering.
Those songs made her feel like she was floating around the stars, in that pitch-black nothingness. They reminded her of how tiny she was, but also, that she was part of one whole.
Those notes and chords directed her heartbeats.
The sounds and the meaning of the words being sung haunted her. She didn’t know how to feel.
They sounded like something as cosmic as the whole universe, but also like something so mundane as coming home at the end of a day.
Her mind went to dark places, and she liked to think that outer space was one of them. Like a lion in the middle of the savanna, or the teardrops running down her cheeks, so lonely, so tiny, so big. Connected to everything that exists. Wild and raw.
Her heart was shattered to pieces. But everything was going to be okay.
Later, she understood that the strength of her existence was that. To reach that place. To understand things no one else could. And to keep thinking.
And if nothing matters, then why don’t I give it a try?


the cosmic songs playlist: