Hey there,

Lately, I've been feeling a little down and I've been reflecting a lot on myself. That's at least what I thought I was doing. In reality, I was just overthinking and viewing myself through the eyes of others.
I took a spoken exam the other week and found myself being extremely nervous. In the end, I was not satisfied with the way I had been articulating myself and presenting my topic.
The professors ended up giving me the best grade possible. And I felt so undeserving of it. They also told me that I lack confidence and that I should tackle that issue of mine. I then talked to my parents and they were really proud of me but also concerned because I was so unhappy and felt as if the grading was extremely unfair. They told me that a lack of confidence seems to run in the family and that I should acknowledge my abilities more.
But how does one do that?
My insecurity has been holding me back my entire life. It's my biggest weakness. And it taints everything I do or achieve.
What even is my worth if I myself cannot acknowledge it?
Deep down, I know that I have so much good inside me and that I can achieve a lot. But I never seem to act.
I'm putting off so much I would love to do in fear of not being good at it. Don't get me wrong, I don't think you have to be good at something in order to take pleasure in it (obviously) but I don't want to ruin the ideas I have in my head. I'm scared that when I try and pursue something I'm interested in and don't immediately succeed at it, I will lose that interest and therefore perhaps part of my personality? (our identity partly consists of our interests, after all)

I just wanted to get this off my chest. And I know I'm by far not the only one feeling this way. I'm thinking 'what would this world look like, how much better would it be, if we all just did the things we enjoy and if we all put our passions and thereby ourselves out there instead of letting our doubts reign?

I'll just be confident now. Doesn't matter if I truly am initially but as long as I put my mind to it and convince myself of it, I will end up being self-assured. It's all about mindset, really.
I will turn off my thoughts and just approach people, regardless of what they might think pf me or what impression I might make. If they end up not liking me, it's their business after all, not mine. My doubts won't overpower, filter and rule over my actions anymore.
If I'm intrigued by someone, I will speak to them. It doesn't matter if I know where the conversation will go, I can't predict the future anyway so why would I spend time 'calculating' every slightly possible scenario instead of just diving in straight away?
If I'm upset by something, I will speak up. Whether it is a friend saying something insensitive or a stranger treating someone in a discriminating way or if I disagree with someone's opinion and simply want to have a peaceful discussion and get a glimpse on others' viewpoints.
If I'm intrigued by something, I will pursue it. I will investigate it. I will try and not get discouraged. Period.

I think that we are all, in ourselves, enough. And we are, unfortunately, our worst enemies at the same time who try and convince ourselves otherwise. wicked.
Let's break up with our enemy and just go and do things.

Thank you so much for reading this mess , I hope I could bring my thoughts across and I'm sure some of you might feel the same way I do.
(also, as women we tend to put waay to much self-value into our looks but that issue could fill an entire article of its own).
Put yourself out there.
If we start thinking of ourselves as confident, we will be exactly that.

Speak up, wear your masks and have a lovely day!

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lovelovelove <3