Until like two days ago I identified as lesbian to everyone. However, I never felt truly represented by this label. First of all, I've always thought that it wasn't like I only liked girls; I liked everyone except boys. And there is a difference. That's why bis*xuality and pans*xuality are different things. Second of all: my story as lgbt+ was always different from everyone's. I know this shouldn't matter, but I always asked myself why. When I was a kid, I had boy crushes, even though I didn't have real feelings for them, I found them attractive. Yes, I had girl crushes as well, even though I never told anyone about it at the time. I was pretty sure I was lesbian, because I'd never have a romantic or s*xual relationship with a boy. But then why did I like boys as a kid?

carefree, theme, and chalk image cat, rainbow, and cute image

Well, it happens that s*xuality can be fluid for some people. Like me. Most of the time, the environment you're at doesn't affect your s*xuality. But, sometimes, it does. Besides that, there are many different levels of fluidity. Some people change pretty fast, while others take a while. And there is a term for that: abros3xuality. However, most of us don't like this term and prefer to change our labels according to our feelings. Take me as an example; at the situation I am at the moment, I don't have the energy to explain what I am to everyone. So, I just won't say anything. For my parents, for example, I'll leave them thinking I'm lesbian and that's it. If I start dating a boy or a nonbinary, then I'll talk to them, but not now. I'm not saying I'm ashamed of who I am, but, honestly, had you heard the term before I told you? Because literally until a week ago, I hadn't.

fashion, aesthetic, and style image rainbow, aesthetic, and sky image

Okay, but how do I know I'm abros*xual and not bis*xual / pans*xual? It might be confusing for others, but there is a clear difference. When you're abros*xual; you have phases. And when you're bi or pan, you don't. Sometimes, I like men, but that doesn't make me bi, because when I don't like men, I feel like a lesbian. Don't say bis*xuals are just in a phase, nor that abros*xuals are just bisexuals, because it's offensive.

aesthetic, carefree, and rainbow image rainbow, aesthetic, and shoes image

Personally, I've always liked girls, but I've always had a more complicated relationship with boys. When I was a kid, I liked both, even though I had a preference for girls. Actually, I think I didn't have any phase when I preferred boys over girls lol. Anyway, when puberty hit me, I realized I was bi. However, I wasn't sure or confident about it at all; so I didn't come out to anyone seriously. But then something happened. For some reason, all of my serious crushes and people I had feelings for were females. I still considered myself bis*xual, just with a preference for girls, until the moment I realized I no longer liked boys. The idea of having s*x with a male was unbearable to me, while the opposite wasn't. Ok, then I'm lesbian. I felt comfortable as a lesbian and everything was pointing to that direction. However, sometimes I caught myself thinking that maybe I would be romantically involved with a boy, but not s*xually. But right now, I think I would. And that's because I'm not only abros*xual, but abroromantic as well. This means sometimes I feel homos*xual and homoromantic, others I feel homos*xual and biromantic, or even bis*xual and biromantic.

girl, tumblr, and aesthetic image outfit and rainbow image

Each abros*xual has a different story; but there are some patterns that can happen to those people. Let me explain. For what I see, the most common thing is that first the person gets emotionally involved with someone of a gender they didn't like. Then, they become sexually attracted to the other person, and then, after the relationship ends, the person starts liking this gender and, most of the time, they only like this gender for a while. I'm not saying that spending time with men will make a straight dude gay, only if his sexuality is already fluid, and it's still impossible to know for sure. But, again, this isn't a rule. For me it wasn't like that. I simply changed and that's okay.

pastel, aesthetic, and outfit image rainbow, end, and sky image

As I said before, I've always preferred girls over boys, even in my bis*xual phases. So, in my case, I'm always both, s*xual and romantic attracted to girls; but with boys is a total different story. For me to be romantically attracted to a boy isn't that rare to happen and these phases are more random; however, for me to be s*xually attracted to boys, I have to first be romantically attracted, which is already relatively uncommon, and this feeling has to develop into something more s*xual. Also, I'm way more picky when it comes to boys. I tend to prefer feminine boys and I hate strongly masculine boys. At least right now. Maybe in the future it'll change and it'll be easier for me to like boys, but that's how I feel right now. Actually, in the moment I feel pansexual and panromantic, but maybe in a week I won't anymore :)

colors, rainbow, and cute image Image by AlinaSavelieva

I feel like since my phases when I like boys are usually so short and usually only romantic; I just thought I was gay most of the time, and, sometimes, when I got a bit confused, I assumed I was panromantic, even though I'm not always. But what made me take so long to realize my s*xuality was fluid is that I'd simply never thought about it. In conclusion, try not to be so attached to one label, because maybe it doesn't represent you 100% and when it comes to s*xuality, stay loyal to what you feel, not what you think.

that's it <3 here are my last two articles:
and all my articles: