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I've spent 5 years of my life blaming myself for things I shouldn't get too worried about. I completely shut down and told none about my internal conflicts to people around me. Day after day I would ask myself what was my problem, why did God make me like this, how could I be prettier, which trait of mine should I try to hide.
People would tell me I'm already pretty and there was no need for me to keep trying to lose weight, but of course, I told myself they were just being kind and they actually couldn't see all of my flaws because I was trying hard to cover them.
I got to the point I couldn't find worth in life anymore because I hated my body so much. I felt I was someone trapped in this body which I couldn't really identify as "me". Honestly, it was extremely uncomfortable and exhausting.
The problem with self-esteem is that it controls your mentality. If it tells you there is a flaw, you won't be able to tell otherwise. That's why it's so incredibly hard to increase self-esteem. No matter how loved you are, no matter how beautiful you are (inside and out), no matter how many compliments you hear, you're still trapped in a deep hole where you can see no exit, so you truly believe there's no exit.
It's hard, but it's not impossible to escape. Right at my lowest point, when I was going through the worst moment of my life, I could finally see the exit and without really noticing, I started to climb my way out of that dark hole.
I'm extremely grateful for becoming the person I am today and being not an enemy, but a friend to myself. I didn't do it alone, I did have some inspirations that acted as helping hands, but I'm more than anything proud of myself.
𝔀.
