i would rather be sensitive

i do not mean to come off as sensitive, but in these words i write i have to clarify that i would rather be that latter than be insensitive to say the least. we are people of color, we have struggles and prejudice is placed upon us along with statistics that ground us, affirming that it was what was meant of us, it was inevitable in a way because of who we were born to and where we were born into. i write this because i cannot fathom the fact that i thought i gathered my opinions and values from you all when in reality i think extremely differently and it bothers me. frankly, the way the world works bothers me. how the government is ran irks me, and how the nation is divided makes me want to find humor in the hypocrisy that is america, land of the free and home of the brave. i never meant to seek politics, in fact i strayed away from them as its another world full of laws and contradictions, blue and red, left and right. more labels to pull this already frayed country at the seems. i didn’t want to play into it, but with the way this leader leads, i wanted to find a deeper meaning into why he truly wasn’t a good leader, unravel a constructive depiction of who he was other than his surface level of an unlikeable persona. and it was prompted furthermore with the awareness blooming from the oppressed in this country. i listen, i digest, i cry as i sympathize, and i learn to hate those who begin to try and invalidate the voices that are barely being heard. then the cycle continued to try and learn as to exactly why these people thought this way, and the rabbit hole that seemed to have a ground at last got ripped up beneath me and i continued to free fall. there is division, flags that are not even apart of this nation are waved in defiance of those who want a progressive nation, others wanting to go back to conservative times. i do not understand this way of thinking, that’s what eats me up, i always understood that not everyone will think like me but when those around me stand on that other side that they announce is against what many have been dying for, i feel my soul break. i see you as apart of my life, apart of me since i believe we share the same family and memories, and yet you speak against everything i believe in. i know i’m not always right, but i cannot understand how you can invalidate a struggle as if you are not in their shoes just with different soles and less constrictive laces. we are people of color, but we are not them, we have been colonized, but we have not been enslaved, we are discriminated against, but we still do not stand beside them. when we hear their cries for help, we watch and say they should learn to stand alone and fight their own fights to become stronger. there is another division. i don’t understand. it makes me sick, i stay up at night not wanting to be alive in this nation that consists of awakening ignoramus’s who are not afraid to give hate speech, but will pull guns on people with dark skin if they are in an altercation due to ethnic intimidation. i am tired. this is not the land of the free, home of the brave. this is land of the oppressed, home of the oppressors.