like rex orange county said
"i don't even know why
i let myself get down in the first place"!!

how could i finish at this place
at this position in my short life?
i shouldn't have walk that path
some years ago,
i felt it and tried to get away
but i wasn't strong enough
to fight the uncertainty
so i clung to the easiest and 'safest' thing,
i did what others told (recommended?)
me to do

but you see, at the end
everything turned bad,
turned against me
and now, i'm the one
who is struggling with the consequences
of her actions

God knows there's no other thing
i regret the most that invest my life
in something for which i do not
feel any kind of attachment

so i'm trying to get my sh*t together
and stop complaining and grieving
about my past, and start to search for
the silver lightning of this whole situation

believe me, after years of living under
the darkest and gloomy dome,
it's really complicated to
find and appreciate the sweet little things of life,
let hope grows again,
to smile genuinely
and disern your own vision and destiny
so you can follow them...