All my life, I have been labelled as one who doesn’t value friendships and relationships. Those who have known me for a long time now tend to disagree. I never had the thought that I needed to clarify the reason for me giving up on some relationships and friendships in my life. But here is the reason.

  • It's for my mental health.*

Which means, most probably you were toxic. I do not criticize others for being toxic. Most of the people who I gave up on didn’t even realize they were toxic. But the most difficult part is, telling them that they have negatively impacted me. Most don’t seem to get it. The most common responses I have ever received was, “what do you mean?” and “how is that possible? I love you”

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I might sound like I do not appreciate those who love me. But that’s just not it.

You do not have to put up with all toxicity and negativity just because the person loves you.

Not an unpopular opinion, I know. We are trained to believe to give up everything and expect nothing in return for those you love. I honestly think it’s the wrong concept.
Most of us, are unaware if our friendship is toxic. Commonly because if refuse to admit that the one with love are actually toxic and is treating us badly. There are a few ways to figure out if you are in a toxic friendship.

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-How does the other person treat you?
-What is it that you dislike about how the other person treats you?
-Do you like being friends with this person?
-Are you only being friends with this person so that you wouldn’t be lonely?
-How would you feel if your friendship ended?
-Would like an apology from this person on how they’ve been treating you?

Here something to think about. Like I said, most people don’t even know that they are being toxic. But if you were to tell this person that they’ve been mistreating you, will they change or have they been doing pushing you down and mistreating you on purpose. Try not to jump into conclusions. Try giving them a chance to fix your friendship.

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There are some who are impossible to get rid of. You just can’t bring yourself to cut that toxicity from your life and you just got to live with it. I’m here to tell you, there is a way to protect yourself from the toxicity even if the other person is constantly around you. And that is by focusing on yourself.

Set boundaries and don’t let anyone treat you badly.

This is called protecting yourself from toxicity. Tell yourself and believe that you don’t deserve to be treated badly. In this case, you are unable to control the actions of the other person but you can most certainly not let the negativity and toxicity get to you.

If you have read till here, you probably have a little peeping thought wondering if you are the toxic one. Think about it. Most of us tend to show toxicity after we have removed the toxic person from our lives. Most common cases are, talking about them behind their back and encouraging mutual friends to leave them as well. This is you being toxic. Let's not be hypocrites.

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Setting boundaries probably will cause lost of contact and even loss of the friendship itself. This would probably lead us to becoming lonely. Here's the thing. It is okay to be lonely than being hurt. Nothing is more important than your mental health and this is what that should have been normalize by now. Go make new friends once you have recovered. No one has to put up with pain and hurt just because something means so much to you. Gove importance to your mental health as no one is going to put your mental health first before theirs. Protect yourself. It's not being selfish, its basics of survival.

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Written By Peachybalmn on WHI.