To be honest, I just came here to rant and complain, bc I cannot afford a therapist and I don't feel like bothering my friends, I know that there a lot of things going on w/ the world rn, for me to be complaining but honestly I'm tired.
So hello... I'm a twenty year old girl, yeah I know it shooks me too that I'm already 20, that i'm not a teenager anymore and honestly that just makes my head dizzy.
So what am I doing w/ my life, well as in rn I'm listening to Taylor's Swift new album, and honestly since I'm kinda sad, I think it's pretty cool. Well, anyways, is 4am in the morning.
And I'm crying over stuff I shouldn't be crying, I'm crying bc I cannot stand living with my dad tbh, I think is the most toxic relationship that I have,but I have to bear through it till September. In September I'm going back to my dorm in college.
Honestly it pains me, I know I shouldn't care about what my dad says about me, or how he treats me bc he has been doing it for a while now and it's not like is the first time were I just want to go away and never see him again. I don't know what I'm going to when I finish college, I just have one year left, but I cannot stand living in the same place that he is. I'm tired of always feeling like shit bc of him, I should be over it, I should be over my daddy issues already, like damn I'm 20. But no, it still makes me cry, and I HATE IT SO MUCH. I hate it that I cannot have a normal relationship with that man, I hate that I feel like this, I hate that I should love him, but I don't. I hate that I would rather live my life without him than with him in it. And I know that sounds harsh, I know it does, but the times of my life were I was more mentally stable were the ones were we wasn't here. Well that sums up what made me wanna write today after like a year since I posted my last article.
In college I'm doing kind of fine, though I'm really scared of finishing bc I don't know what I will do w/ my life, I know that I want to travel but I'm kind of scared of doing it alone. I was thinking of maybe going somewhere by myself to get used to travelling alone. But... I'm broke af.
Rn I have a huge headache thinking about the future makes me anxious bc I don't know what to do w/ my life, and I feel kind of alone.
I have friends, friends whom (omg can you believe this girl using whom WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS LOL) I love with all my heart but sometimes I feel like I will stress them out with everything or that they will get tired of listening to my problems. But, I know they won't, in fact I know they will probably would tell me to go their houses and ditch my family. But I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that. I really do love them, they've been with me through a lot of things, and I know I can trust them. They are really great, but don't tell them that, it would go to their heads.

Rn I don't have a partner I'm still trying figuring out what I want so even though I complain about being single, I think is for the best. Bc rn I'm not even sure about my sexuality, so I don't think I'm ready to date anyone rn. Plus is A LOT OF WORK, and honestly kind of expensive, you have to have dates and go to dinner, movies and shit. Honestly unless Bang Chan (from Stray Kids), Lisa or Jisoo (from Blackpink) or any member of GOT7 wants to date me, I think I will stay single for a while.
OH... recently if you haven't notice I have really gotten into Kpop. So yeah I have it all a woman who is bi, a weeb, a kpop and a marvel stan, LOL.
I don't think anyone would read this, but it's been really useful just to write it down. I know that 99% of this doesn't makes sense, I also know that I may have committed a lot of grammar and punctuation mistakes. I'm sorry for that.
And thanks, thanks even if you didn't read it, bc let's be honest I wouldn't.
Thanks 4 being my diary.
Dumb girl.