HELLO there ! again :)

Welcome to another article written by me, Moi, yours truly. I'm glad to find you here again on another article of self help with some romance too today!

I have to be honest.

I'm no dating expert.

I have to be honest again.

I'm not the most confident person in the world either.

So what do I know about confidence and dating? Some useful things lol How? Well, I do have some life experiences plus being single gives me the PERFECT spot to see other people's relationships from a fair distance, it is like watching a movie.

(If you have doubts about being happy while single you may wanna check out my article on that)

Back to this article, so how can we date confidently? First, what I mean here by confidence is that feeling of security within yourself; You are not wondering if you are "enough" , or if worrying if you did something wrong, just simply worried of the idea of being yourself with your partner. (or potential partner or future partner, I mean some awareness beforehand wouldn't harm right?)

Okay so here we go, 8 steps to feeling confident when you are with your partner:

1/ You are beautiful

Seriously, who is not today improving at least one area of their life? If you are insecure about how you look, then you can only imagine what things your partner might be insecure about! AND guess what:

This is where you come into the picture! You can remind how beautiful your partner is everyday.

Bu hey, that is far from the end of the story. Sit tight and buckle up for this tea :)

People are different. This is a fact, an absolute fact, the most factual fact there is (Okay you get it) Hence, they express themselves differently, including their insecurities. That is to say, if your coping mechanism is to complain about your "imperfections" , it doesn't mean that others do the same thing in coping with them. (I'm not saying here not to talk about it, however, I do recommend to talk about it in a positive and constructive way; that is the way where you talk about yourself to improve it and not to break it, will get into that in another post :) )

Yet,

People are also the same.We all want to feel beautiful and funnily enough, it is only valid coming from others; We traditionally only feel beautiful if it is coming from another person, and THAT IS SO WRONG.

You are beautiful and so is your partner, even if they missed to tell you that today.

You are beautiful today, and tomorrow you will be beautiful, whether people tell you that or not<

In any case, the best and most valid judge of beauty there is can tell you that: YOURSELF.

Single and non-single folks, let's mind how we talk to ourselves from here on please ?

2/ You are complete.

Up until recently, I have always admired (and low-key believed) that myth about how humans were initially born four legged and somehow by some curse we were separated from our other halves, so we spend our lives looking for the missing half, AKA our soulmates. (Turns out it was the introductory scenes of "The Half of it" movie. If you haven't seen it, watch it for the girl with black hair whose name I forgot. Back to the article )

Romantic isn't it? I mean what is not to like about this artistic, well-sculpted and peculiar way of seeing life? It even gives a life purpose ! It is like a happy meal box right?

Well it is not.

If anything, aside from the aesthetic of that myth, I have come to see a major loophole in it, and if it was an actual product, I'd ask for a refund.

/Plays the gay queen, King Princess, in the background /

Well, the loophole is: It gives a very wrong and unhealthy idea about relationships, and that is that we enter them from a position of lack, of scarcity. (No wonder why we have the long face whenever we see a happy couple)

When in fact, the thing with a happy, fulfilled, and healthy relationships, we have to enter them from a position of wholeness, and of a sense of completeness<

So what is the point of getting into a relationship you ask ..

Simple, it is NOT TO COMPLETE EACH OTHER IN THE LITERAL MEANING.

I mean you can interpret that in many ways, that expression "complete each other".. It is so tricky.. The misunderstanding we have is that we take it personally; " I don't have a job so might as well lean on my partner financially , ah we are so made for each other! they complete me!", or " I'm smart, and they have the visuals. We SO complete each other"

.. Sad flashback to all those teen series,shows , and even animes about "ugly", dumb and cute girl, falling for that smart handsome guy flashes in your mind, or the popular guy falling for the smart girl or is it the other way around? anyways you know what I'm talking about.

The trick is to take that expression and add a big spoon, if not a bowl, of YOURSELF into it. In other words, next time you say "I want someone to complete me" or "This person completes me", mean it as in you still can be perfectly fine and happy and healthy without them.

Each one of us has a right to happiness before being with anybody.

Say it again : "I , (insert your name), am complete"

3/ Don't make fake promises to yourself.

Really, a lot of us get into a relationship thinking that we will be living some fictional character's life.

Do not trust movies. Real life relationships are like thin ice. You don't think a rom-com will show you the less cute sides of romantic relationships do you? Princess, prince, you are not entering a castle.

Real life is different.

In real life, entering a relationship while having high expectations can have terrible consequences on yourself. For example, thinking that once you will have someone by your side you WILL be happy, and it turns out that you are actually only pretending to be, or downright are not, that itself, will not only burst the bubble you built for yourself about relationships, it may also damage your level of self confidence and sense of judgement on any future GOOD commitments.

I mean, there must be still some good people out there right?

Until then, and if you are making any promises to yourself, do them concerning things you can control, and that is YOUR LIFE.

You can't control the other person, let alone a relationship (assuming a healthy one) that takes two people to happen.

You can't fix a rotten relationship nor a person. A simple example I give here is of fruits; if a tomato is rotten, you throw it right? Relationships are the exact same thing. If a relationship is not working out, you let go of it. Besides, the one that will be hurt the most in an unhealthy relationship is the one who started on the wrong foot, including a promise of a castle on the other side.

If you want to be happy, you are the answer to that.

"You control what you think, feel, and do, and that gives you enough power to be the real happy version of that fictional character."

Phew, that was so much tea back there. That is the end of my article today (also because that is really all I can think of today, and I'm tired XD) Well, thanks for reading babes! see you in another future article! Until then, be healthy, happy and date safely TT

Love,