Sitting here listening to Miss Winehouse. Dealing with rejection and the fact I wore a pair of shorts today that I've been wearing for years and could barely squeeze into. I forced myself to wear them to remind myself all day of what I've let happen. I am not so shallow as to think no one will want me due to my body but at the same time my disordered brain says YOU FAT BITCH NO ONE WILL WANT YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR BODY! IT'S WHY THEY CHANGED THEIR MIND! This person and I have known each other for over 15 years then suddenly they got cold feet as far as making arrangements to see me next time they are allowed to visit this place. I think it was the last picture I sent. Timing just seemed too coincidental. It's currently 6 A.M. and I'm not even tired. Just too much on the brain that I need to get out I suppose. I wish I could sing, I have so many words.