Ello!

I'll keep this short since the rest is so long.

1D's 10th anniversary. Felt like doing something. That's all. Bye.

Inspired by... (▼)


✦ When did you join the fandom

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End of 2010/beginning of 2011. I don't actually remember a lot of it, I never have.

✦ What got you into 1D

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One of my friends knew about them, the whole group ended up liking them and, by the end of our school years, I was the only one left as a Directioner.

✦ First song you heard

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Again, I don't remember, but it was either one of the X-Factor performances' songs or Forever Young.

✦ Fave MV

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Best Song Ever (= One Direction in a nutshell).

✦ Fave album

Image by Marlem Avila one direction, Harry Styles, and liam payne image
Midnight Memories.

✦ Fave song

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Long Way Down. To be honest, I don't think this is my true fave song, but it's probably the one that means the most as of right now because it literally shows what happened with us all.

✦ Fave cover

one direction, overlay, and teenage dirtbag image louis, valerie, and tomlinson image
Teenage Dirtbag and Valerie.

✦ Fave era/year

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2013/Midnight Memories. The highest.

✦ Fave member

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I was never able to pick one and I never will.

✦ Fave ship

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Ships, as interactions between two members, I love all of them. But if soulmates really exist, these two are 500% soulmates... which makes them a tiny bit more special.

✦ Fave photo

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Because I took it.
one direction, liam payne, and zayn malik image hipster, retro, and beautiful image
But also these (the first one is of one of my concerts, I know, I'm lucky).

✦ Have you been to any concerts

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I attended two Where We Are Tour concerts (two days in a row).

✦ Do you own any merch

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Yes. A lot. Not everything they had (not even close). But considering how far away I live from the UK and US then, a lot. Till this day, the Our Moment perfume is my fave fave fave perfume.

✦ One ticket to watch a solo performance

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Harry, probably. He's just something else.

✦ Fave moment

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All of it. All of it was precious.

✦ Happiest moment

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Maybe... about when the This Is Us movie was released? We were really happy back then.

✦ Saddest moment

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When Zayn left.

✦ Funniest moment

✦ Fave X-Factor moment

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The video diaries.

✦ Should they end the hiatus and get back together

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Yes, but only if it's with the five of them.

✦ My story

One Direction was probably the biggest thing in my life throughout my teenage years. 2011 was my first year of high school and 2016 was my second year of university. I went to bed wishing them a good night and woke up looking at their faces. Everyday. For years.

At the beginning, I was very very depressed and they were, quite literally, the last thread of the rope that held all my broken pieces together. I remember very vividly listening to their songs as a way of looking for comfort to then purposely binge-watching the X Factor video diaries so I could laugh my pain out.

As time went by I was able to slowly but surely heal my wounds. All because I had something to hold onto.

When the What Makes You Beautiful video came out I was already an established Directioner. My friends and I curled up around the only phone with an internet connection we had at school (an old turquoise coloured Samsung brick) to watch it. It's probably one of my most precious memories.

My first CD came even before the Up All Night CD was released in Latin America. One of my cousins studied in the UK back then and when he came back he brought me the Up All Night Limited Yearbook Edition and an official bracelet as a surprise I gift, again, one of my most precious memories (my eyes get a bit teary just thinking about it).

When the CD got released here I picked it up at the store after school on the d-day (I still keep the receipt) and had something too close to tachycardia on the electric staircase of the shopping mall for my own good.

I only attended two concerts because that's all we ever had in my country.

The week of the concerts I only attended school on Monday (and just because I had an important senior year event). I spent Tuesday outside of the hotel (we only saw staff and Lou (stylist)). Wednesday was my first concert so I spent the day at the stadium. Thursday was my second concert so I rested during the morning and spent the afternoon at the stadium. And on Friday I stayed in bed watching This Is Us and crying.

The first concert was announced, and sold, after the second one and, because I spent all my money on the "first one", I got the cheapest seat (since the ticket wasn't as expensive as the previous one, my mom decided she wanted to go with me, which was really nice). I arrived at the venue early in the morning to secure nice seats and overall, had a great time. If any of you remember the "scandal" of some of the boys while they were in Peru... it happened that day. They arrived at my country just in time for the concert and there was no soundcheck, which ended up with an annoyed-at-his-in-ear Zayn.

The following day, my first 1D concert that ended up being the second, used to be the best day of my life. It's not anymore. I don't think the best day of my life has come yet, but it's definitely one that I'll remember forever.

The day before, I met a girl (seated next to me) who told me a story of a different concert she attended in that same place. She told me how one of the security staffs helped her (or a friend, I'm not sure) reach the first rows without having those tickets. Now... this is something that happens a lot here, but I only knew "myths" of it.

When I was buying my ticket, at about 3am, my mom was half asleep so she gave me the wrong card password and I ended up blocking the card and lost my first rows ticket. Thankfully, I got to catch the ones next. Floor tickets were numbered but we weren't allowed to pick our seats so when I arrived that day I had no idea where my seat was. I was very nervous, lost and shocked at the scale of the stage, it was my first time with floor seats.

Rain was pouring down that day, and someone came to me as I entered the place with an umbrella, offering help. Handsome guy, black long coat, black boots, nice hairstyle, very kind and friendly. He took me to my seat and managed to chat with me in those few steps. I was suddenly feeling at ease.

My seat ended up being, literally, in the border with the first-row ones and right next to one of the "hallways". I started to talk with the girls around me and I ended up telling them the story I heard the day before. Two security staffs came to guard the hallway and one of them joined the chat.

Long story made short: me and the girl sitting next to me ended up in the first rows.

We were standing on top of the chairs when the opening VCR started, the stage lit up, their five black silhouettes appeared, Midnight Memories started, I saw Louis and them BAM, a hand grabs me from the arm and pulls me down of my seat, everything was black, I got pushed and then the other girl and I were walking in the first rows hallway.

When we managed to find a place to stand a third of the song was already over.

Something in me always knew I'd be in the first rows of that concert but I never imagined life playing with me like that. Destiny is a real thing, people. If you're meant to be somewhere and you really believe in it, you'll get there.

An even crazier story is how that day I felt my torn heart finally being fixed. Some say broken hearts can't stick back together once they're damaged, just like how you can't fix a cup that has been broken. Some say they can. I'm kind of in the middle, you can heal a wound but the scars will remain type of thought. But that day, during either You & I or Right Now, I looked up at the night sky, closed my eyes, let the rain hit my face and get mixed with my tears and something inside me changed. I felt this weird never-felt-before peace inside of me while I was leaving the place and the week after. My whole view of the world was different, my feelings, my thoughts.

The world stopped two times that day, at that moment, and when Liam and I looked at each other.

The next big moment came when was I was at university and the Facebook post appeared. We were waiting for class when I felt this weird desire of opening Facebook. The first thing I saw, waiting for me, posted seconds before, was the announcement of Zayn leaving. I read the whole thing, frozen. And stood like that for a while. One of my friends asked if I was okay and I said "yes, I just need to go to the bathroom". I locked myself and stared at my phone, shaking, for what felt really long. I read the announcement again. And shed no tear.

I went to class, still frozen and waited, quiet, in a dark corner of the room until it was over. I don't remember how I got home. I just remember leaving my classroom and entering my room, closing the door, leaving the lights off and turning on music so no one would hear. And I cried my soul out. Those sort of scenes you see in movies, you're half crying, half screaming, begging for air to enter your lungs and full of physical pain. But I don't remember a sound. Everything in my memory has absolutely no sound, I don't remember what songs were playing or the sounds I made, nothing.

Then everything was hard but we made it through. Even when the hiatus was announced. I never felt despair about it. I was weirdly calm. Well, I had no idea of what was really going on.

I realised that they weren't getting back together when the dates for Harry's tour were announced. He had dates that went over the hiatus deadline. So I just knew.

After that everything started to go on its own pace, I didn't control or tried to manage any of it. I slowly started to step further away from everything 1D meant, the songs, the accounts, the posters, and so on... I didn't shut myself away from it, I just kept a safe and unpainful distance that grew with time without me noticing. Later I realised I had to stop the bleeding before I could heal and I couldn't do that without stepping away from what hurt me in the first place.

I've been helping myself heal ever since. Waiting for the day I'd be able to listen to their songs and watch their videos full of the joy they always had again.

I'm getting really close, really close.

If someone asked me what happened I'd say that we were the reason behind our own downfall. Implosion. We started a fire too big for our small hands and it exploded on our faces.

We were too big and uncontrolled for our own good. We had too much power an no-one to lead it in the right path.

The fandom was toxic, Syco was a nightmare we didn't know existed and the boys couldn't do anything about any of it.

And don't get me wrong, not all of it was bad, we were cool, very cool. But you know how people say "what comes fast leaves fast", well...

Syco exploded a bunch of inexperienced kids and formed a world out of lies. The members forgot one of them was scared of heights before running up the stairs at full speed. As a fandom, we hacked airports security cameras and destroyed people's careers like it was everyday business. There was this "joke" of how if you mess up with Directioners, you basically mess up with the Obamas aka you're done (it was a long chain of "if you mess up with...") and altho it was a joke, it showcased how much power we had. I mean... we turned Larry into a threat.

It was bound to happen but we were too focused on our own shine to see it.

I just wish, that if we ever get to start all over again, we come back smarter. And stronger.


Well... that was long. Yet short for 10 years.

I anyone in this world read this whole thing, thank you. And sorry.

I made it for myself, it okay if you cringed at some point.

While I was doing this, by coincidence, I found this picture (▼) and felt represented by it. I'm not trying to forget One Direction, quite the opposite, but the rest of it matches to perfection. I'm in a better place, surrounded by a different light, a light that matches the me of now better. But they will always be my boys. And I'll always be their Directioner, ready to fight by their side if needed.

love, imagine, and Harry Styles image

Have a lovely day (or night),
LR. x

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Cover picture.