I don't know you personally. I don't know what you've been through. I don't know what you're going through so far, but I know there are people who need you here. you're still here for a reason. and if you don't know what keeps you here, then stay in order to find what holds you. there are people next to you who are not only ready to listen, but also ready to help as soon as they can.
these people do not help because "they have to" .. these people help because they care. many people work on hot lines and do not receive a salary, they volunteer to help people. perhaps you don't want to accept the fact that people might worry about you because you don't want to know that people will get bored if you push too hard on the blade, if you swallow too many pills at once, if you pull the trigger ... It may not always be obvious who is worried about you, but believe me, people do. and if your motivation to stay is to find these people, it doesn't matter. that you are still here to read this is what matters. you are still here to look out the window, you have the chance to see beauty and tranquility again.
your life is still yours and you can control it in a healthy way. depression convinces you that she is your friend, and then pushes you, pins you to the ground and forces you to be in that state. she sucks the strength out of you until there is nothing left in you and then just watches you slowly bleed on the floor.
and again, I don't know you personally, but I know that you have so many reasons to live, even if you don't think so. so fight. fight the urge to die, surrender, listen to the voice in your head.

fight until you reach the end of the rainbow

fight until you find someone who suits you perfectly

fight until you run out of shampoo and conditioner at the same time

fight as long as you remember the name of the song you constantly listened to

fight until you draw the perfect circle by hand

fight until you finish that level in the game

fight until your hand lets go of the blade

fight until you untie the noose

fight until you accept your feelings

fight until you put the pills back

fight until you start to feel good and you don't have to lie about your condition
fight.
it doesn't matter if your motivation seems small to you. slow progress is still progress. depression is not something that can just disappear if you wake up. the same can be said for anxiety and other mental illnesses.
but
please
fight