18/7/20

I think I'm finally starting to understand a bit of life.

Today I realized that no matter how unexpressive my family is, we still love each other immensely.

It is so much more easier to push somebody away, then pull them closer

It's hard to feel emotionally stable when your enviorment is constantly changing.

one thing I absolutely fucking hate is when someone says, "you don't have any stress in your life, so why are you depressed" or your just overdramatic.

before today, I really wanted kids. just beautiful, heart warming, smiling kids. i have always thought that "I'm gonna raise my kids like this and that" "I'm gonna do that for my kids". But, I'm honestly so scared I won't make it to that point in my life. I'm so emotionally depressed. I know I don't have a burden of paying student loans, or lack of food, shelter, my basic rights. sometimes I hate myself for being depressed.

so from today on, I have decided that I am just going to work hard. I am going to study to become a doctor, not to pass that test. I want to earn my money and spend it on myself, I want to give back to my parents.