The letter challenge inspired by:

Bex
Bex
@bex_st  

Dear, AM(someone I want to be forgiven by)

Hi, how are you?
I hope you´re well and happy. You may think I´m not saying that sincerely but I do.

I don´t know how to start this letter, I just want to let you know how sorry I am. For how I treated you when we were younger, maybe you´re over it but I´m not. It haunts me when I can´t sleep.

I hurt you, and you didn´t deserve it. You were so sweet to me and I was distant and sometimes mean to you. No one deserves to have their feelings crashed and I would understand if you never want to look at me again. But I was young and naïve, I had no experience with boyfriends whatsoever.
This probably sounds silly, because we were in middle school, we were babies trying to act like adolescents, we acted like we knew it all. I know your feelings for me were true and strong, back then I didn´t understand why would a cool guy like you have interest in a girl like me. I wasn´t the prettiest, neither the smartest, and I was very insecure. But you still wanted a relationship with me. “Because you saw me when I was invisible”.

Now I understand the reason why I didn´t believe you when you told me “I love you”, it was because I didn´t love myself.

I was at the lowest in my life, everything was a mess, my family, my emotions, my grades, and there was you, the first boy who thought I was pretty and as usual I fucked it up.
You were the first boy who gave me roses, I should have appreciated that it was so sweet and romantic but at the time it felt awkward for me because I thought “what I´m going to say to my family when I get home with this?”. Everything we did felt so awkward to me, it was something new, I wasn´t ready for a boyfriend and therefore I was scared.
You were so funny and nice, all my friends reminded me how lucky I was for having you as my boyfriend. We were the couple everyone talked about, even your friends from high school.
So as the time passed I felt guiltier for not been enough for you, and started to do what I´m best at, being distant and cold, hoping you eventually break up with me. But you being the great person you are continued acting lovely.

I will never forget that day. On the day of our anniversary, I didn´t buy you a present but of course, you did. When you tried giving it to me I didn´t accept it…the look on your face made me feel like a piece of shit. The same day I broke up with you, via text like the coward I was.
The rest I guess is history, you never talked to me again and I tried to avoid you as much as possible. But the thing that haunts me the most is that even after that you never talked shit about me, even when you had the reasons to.
The last time we saw each other at a store on a random day you treated me with kindness and even smiled at me. That made me realize how amazing you are, and how unfairly I treated you.
I´m sorry.

One day I´d like to apologize in person. Say to you that I´m thankful for the moments I spend with you, it was a pleasure being your friend.
I will never forget you. I hope you find someone who makes you happy and loves you the way you deserve.

Yours sincerely, N.