I am turning over to another chapter in my life once more. Another year has passed. A year that I’ll look back to in this post. Has it been a year of growth? Or am I on the road of decline? Let’s take a look at all this and more here.

In terms of work growth and productivity

I’ve been scrambling for a proper job for quite a while. Nothing stable seems to fit for me as of late. At some point, a client just suddenly disappeared (again) and then some. Currently, I’m employed as I have pointed out earlier. I do hope that this job sticks this time around. I’m a little bit worried about it still, as I have yet to receive my first payment about three weeks in, hence I decided to give myself a bit of time off while awaiting payment(s). Life last year was indeed a bit more pleasant. Unforunate that I was unable to pursue the work I had last year anymore. September-December was a very fruitul period because I had been juggling a few viable jobs at the time. But just like I said, one client suddenly disappeared and the other position ended at the turn of the year.

I can only hope that the current employment that I have turns out to be fruitful and successful. I still have to dig myself out of a financial hole, right before my birthday. lol Let’s see how that goes. Should payment come in soon, I’ll be eating about a third of my financial hole away.

What about interpersonal growth?

I can still count on the same clique that I have had for quite some time. Nothing much has changed there. The only major addition since my last birthday would perhaps be my girlfriend Theya. Our first anniversary is coming up on June 6, 2020, and it looks like this first will be spent apart as she’s still stuck in Mati, Davao Oriental, at the moment.

Truly, one does not to have a whole barangay listed as their friends. I’m happy and contented with the fellowship that I have in my life. I have a balanced circle of people to reach out for play, people who are working professionals and something that stood out in the last couple of weeks, people who are medical professionals as well. One doesn’t need much in life, one needs to appreciate what they have.

Now, I think I have an OK relationship, too, with my mother and with my daughter. Ever since Olympus has fallen last July 2019, the core group consists of just the three of us. I still have to find a way for my mom to integrate me better in whatever businesses she has. I have to continuously learn where all her money is, no, not for my personal gain, of course… but just to be sure nothing is missed out should the eventual inevitable happen to her. This is going to be a work in progress that I hope I get to address in the coming months since she won’t be able to leave the house that frequently with COVID19 roaming around.

How financially stable are you?

Not at all. While I am not leaking money anymore in buying random stuff (or games), there’s much I have to make up to in terms of the bills that I have accumulated in the last couple of months. It’s really hard, but I hope I can persevere. As I have said, I hope that the job that I have right now will turn out to be a right fit for me and right for my career growth.

And the child in you, how is he holding up?

Sure, I am not getting younger. However, gaming is, has, and probably will always be an integral part of me. May that be in the form of mobile games like Mobile Legends or the slightly more complex DotA 2 – or perhaps any Nintendo Switch or Playstation 4 title out there. Gaming has kept me entertained and alive in the recent months, especially Animal Crossing: New Horizon. AC:NH has been especially helpful for me in the weeks I was recuperating from my illness. Sure, I am putting constraints on myself to not play all day and ensure that I remain somewhat productive. Growth, right? It’s always going to be some kind of a battle within me. Yet, I’m sure that the more mature I’ve grown, the easier I have it fighting this habit of playing games. It is important to note that I embrace the gaming side of me. I don’t despise it, but I do have to hide it from time to time, especially when I sense a dip in productivity. This has not been the case with the current job that I have though.

You got sick, huh. What’s up with your health?

I’m still not fully healed. I’m still ever so slightly struggling with my breathing. I still consciously take one or two deep breaths too many. I still feel a bit of my breakfast or some food wanting to come out again (Acid Reflux, GERD) – but I am getting better. I am healing. It’s still a bit odd how and why I got this in the first place, but hey… It’s going upward again. I’d rather have some Acid Reflux than COVID19.

Mentally?

Hmm. The financial liabilities are knocking on my door and they do stress me out. My girlfriend is feeling sick and that’s stressing me out too. The death anniversary of my dad is also around the corner. I am not in the most stable of places right now. I’m waddling through this stress and experience knee deep, at the moment. It’s still manageable… But it just takes one little domino to fall over for hell to break loose in my mind. I try hard to keep it all together, to keep myself sane. We’ll see how this fares.

Sometimes these feelings can become too much to handle for me. I struggle greatly with it, at times… but I am a work in progress after all.

Sure, the last few points were not quite sunny. But let that not discredit the growth that I have made in the last 365 days. Perhaps, in hindsight, I should have sourced a few more clients early on, but looking back to the time I did have one, it all looked promising, and juggling more than one client at the time did not seem right as I was full-time employed. Hmmm. It’s easy to spot something wrong in something you actually did right – especially when things don’t turn out in your favor. Hmmmm. Perhaps there are a few things that I raise to some of my partners in the near future once I am better off on my own feet and when they are doing OK again as well. At the moment, everyone has to look out for themselves. It’s quite a struggle, but this is how it is. It’s not the new normal, no, but this is a temporary situation everyone is being placed in due to the virus.

Growth is a must for the year ahead.

I will find a way to seek growth and succeed with the dreams and plans that I have laid before me. I’ll find a way to continue growing as a person, as a father and as a supportive boyfriend to my girlfriend. In all my stories of success and progress, I want to integrate the people around me. If I excel and succeed, so should they. After all, I believe that the more I give, the more I am successful. Giving doesn’t have to mean money. It can mean something as simple as giving a few words as advice or encouragement. Giving a few minutes to listen. If there’s anything to truly take away from the pandemic and the trouble that the United States is experiencing right now, it’s that we as a whole need to remain human and humane. Kindness and understanding are of such underrated value right now. If you can, wish I can see no reason why people can’t. Pass on a dose of kindness and understanding forward. It goes a long way.

At any rate…

I take with me the lessons I’ve learned from the various positions I’ve held over the last few months. I take with me the discipline I’ve slowly built up in me and I’m proud of my growth, the way I have been both patience and proactive about things. In every moment, there’s something that we can learn, if we allow ourselves to. There’s nothing in particular that I can point or that stood out on the top of my head… but I’m sure that the year that passed has been a good one. I’ve taken huge losses along the way, some of which I am still dealing with… But eventually I will reach out to the correct people, as need be.

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