I’m fine, right?

I am a walking shell
With no desire
I smile when I should
Laugh when it’s appropriate
I feel nothing within
I was once the light in a blacked out room
I used to laugh til i snorted
Smile til my eyes disappeared
What happened to me?

Is this the healing process
Or am I broken?

Does the thought of his hands pushing against my neck still linger on my mind?
I thought I recovered
Or maybe it’s the PTSD from dog cries that keep me up at night
I mean, I healed right?

I stopped flinching at phone vibrations
And keys dangling at door knobs
I must be fine.

It’s been 2 years since I’ve seen him
He couldn’t have had such an impact on me.
I mean I’m fine right?

Can it possibly be the thought of him starting a new family?
I mean it’s not like I need him or his help.
Me and Jazlynn are fine.
I graduated college
I work for our bills and food
We don’t need him
I can’t trust him around our daughter either way.
We’re fine

One day Jazlynn will understand why mommy stays up late at night to do homework and goes to work early in the morning.
My baby girl will know I’m away from her out of love.
I’m right, right?
I
don’t need help from a man.
I’m a strong independent woman.
I’m healing.