It’s an amazing dilemma we have as human beings: We long to be close to others, but we also fear to be close. We long to experience intimacy with others, but we’re also scared of it.
Fear and insecurity prevent intimacy within relationships. You can’t get close to someone else if there’s fear in the relationship. If insecurity undermines your relationships, then what will build them up?
The answer is love. The Bible says, “Love has no fear because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love” (1 John 4:18 NLT).
How does love expel all fear?
Love takes the spotlight off you and helps you focus on the uniqueness of others. People often ask me, “Do you ever get nervous when you’re talking to so many people at Saddleback Church?” The answer is, “Of course!” But you know what keeps me from being fearful? Love! It helps me focus on the people in front of me, instead of getting absorbed in my insecurities and fears. The minute I start thinking about how much I love my church family and how we serve God together, the fear disappears.
It’s the same in any relationship. Let love help you focus on the other person, and that will drive your fear out of the relationship.
The moment you begin to understand how much God loves you, you’ll realize you don’t have to prove yourself anymore. You don’t have to spend your life trying to impress other people, because you already know that God loves you.
Your identity and self-worth are not caught up in what others might think of you. When you’re secure in your relationship with Christ, you’re no longer pressured by anybody else’s expectations. God’s love frees you to love others fearlessly. And because of that, you can live a free and fulfilling life.

Talk It Over
What insecurities or fears keep you from opening your life and heart to someone, whether it’s your spouse, a friend, or a family member? How can you trust God’s love and release your fears?
In what ways does our culture fuel insecurity in our relationships?
What do you think God sees when he looks at you? Ask him to show you this week just how much he loves you.