I wrote this because I needed to talk to someone how awful I been feeling. it's not from a week ago, or a month ago, it's my whole life hating my body and the way it looks. I see a lot of fat in my arms, my belly, my neck, my legs, my face, and it bothers me to the point I cry when i look in the mirror.

I don't wanna eat anymore, because everytime I think about food it just seems like I'll never stop eating if I start. Just one bite can be the death of me.

I go to gym for 2 hours per day, everyday, and I'd be there more hours if I could, and if I have, for some reason to skip one day of the week, I feel so terrible and ashamed, it can be related to that feeling you have when someone caught you lying, it's like how I feel when I appear in the gym and everyone knows I skiped it last day.

I vomited 10 minutes later, and I feel better already, because gym was closed for the holiday and I forgot to change my scheduals to go there earlier, and it hurts me so much that my throat is still aching but it's better than to let food inside of me.

I'm trying to avoid my boyfriend when he's going to eat. I'm avoiding get out of my room when people are having lunch, and I can't, really, really can't eat in front of them, in front of my parents, it's like I'm a pig or something, like my skin is made of trans fat, is like my cheeks are passing my mouth and one day I won't even be able to talk because of how big they are.

Sometimes I list on my mind how everything would be better if I was skinner like girls in the movies

• Everyone would respect me
• My parents wouldn't be ashamed of me
• Everyone would listen to me
• My boyfriend would be automatically more attracted to me
• Man in the street wouldn't besiege me anymore because my ass wouldn't be that big
• If I was skinner everything would just fall into place

My family keeps fighting with me to eat more and it makes me really annoyed, I feel irritated,sad and anxious all the time. And I spend all my time thinking about things I'm not.

If I could have a tan skin, a beautiful hair and face, everything would be so perfect, my arms would be so pretty, my face would be so thin. If I were skinny, I'd be just happy.

food, donuts, and sweet image burger, food, and cheese image food, healthy, and drink image food image burger, burgers, and cheeseburger image Image by mattamanga food, cheese, and pasta image food and pasta image Image by Peach Sugar food, french, and sandwich image
you're so bad for my health