I seem to be making mistakes over and over again without noticing that I am hurting you. This time I heard it in your voice. You were so speechless of what I had done although I told you to promise me that you won't get upset. I knew you would be anyways.
I do feel like the betrayer.
I was trusted and all I do is let people down and disappoint them.
I was helped and I return the favor in oppositely.
I hurt my boyfriend.
I went back to talk to my ex who called me terrible things, who told me lies to my face and I believed him because I wanted to ignore the bad.
All I wanted to see was the good through the caution signs and red flags.
And even though I hurt from my ex's words. I still try to be the better person and make them the better person too.
But sometimes you can't help them when all they have is themselves to make them become a better person.
Sometimes it succeeds but when you try too hard you just make it hard for yourself. It's like you should love yourself before you love someone else & also you should take care of yourself before putting someone's needs ahead of yours.
So this is where I have messed up.
Not only did I betray my boyfriend. I betrayed myself and others who have gotten me out an abusive situation.
It's like I have become addicted to someone thats bad for me and I can't help but stay. And every time I tell myself not to I turn back... I do. I just always do.
So if falling in love is like a loaded gun pointed straight to your head..
I guess...
I have already pulled the trigger. & I'm sorry.

je meurs plutôt