Hey whi, and Salam to my Muslim readers,

How yall doing? Hopefully better than me.

I'm tired. Into my third semester at college and tbh I been questioning if its even worth it. But you know, I'm still trying. I made this far Alhamdullilah (all praise and thanks is to Allah), so I'm trying to tell myself I can do it.

But then its like, can I?

College, you gotta love it. If you're not there yet, enjoy your grade school years while you can. Trust me.

Temporarily removed

Not tryna scare you or anything, but ya know...

Anyway, enough about me (sorta). But all of this to say with all this stress goin on, I barely have time to do anything relaxing for me. So thats what I wanna do now.

Just for the heck of it, I wanna do one of those writing prompt things. No, NOT the ones that go:

your first crush?

Favorite color?

Your first kiss?

Yeah, no none of that. Pshtt, first kiss. Like what is that?

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No, I want to go on more of a deeper level. I guess for a little bit more self-reflection. We all need that once in awhile right? Of course we do.

So with that said, I'm gonna go into fake deep mode and get this started (lol). Here we go:

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1. What was your favorite thing to do growing up?

  • Hmmm..I would have to say drawing, or play pretend. Ohhh playing pretend was always so much fun. I had a good time with my imaginary friends (sigh). I guess thats why I don't have any real ones now.

Wow okay, that got depressing really fast...

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Moving on...

2. When you were a child, what did you dream of doing when you grew up?

  • I don't know why, but I always thought I wanted to be a teacher. Who doesn't like to share what they know, you know? I guess in grade school I always felt so smart so I thought maybe I could be a teacher too. But you know, times have changed so...

3. What's your favorite topic to talk about?

  • I like to talk about mental health. Ever since my depression and anxiety started to get really bad, I felt no one understood what I was going through. Sure everyone has a better understanding now, but I feel the typical stereotypes still exist when it comes to mental health. And if race or religion plays into the picture, chances of talking about your depression to someone who understands is slim to none. One day I hope to be one who changes the narrative, especially in the black and Muslim communities.

Wow, I guess I proved my point with this question. Idk, I really like to go in on it you know...this aint even half of it.

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4. What do you like doing so much that you lose track of time?

  • Writing. I'm not the most outspoken person out there, so when I write, you're definitely gonna see some of the real me. I talk the way most extroverted people do but in my writing. Sometimes I get so caught up that two or three hours have past or the soreness of my hand remind me that I need a break. Writing is a gift Allah has truly blessed me with and I hope I get to use it for something good in the long run.

5. Whose life do you envy the most and why?

  • Oh, such an interesting question. Me personally, I'm working on trying not to envy anyone in life. Because if I'm doing that, that could mean on my part I'm being someone who is ungrateful for the many blessings Allah has given me, and secondly that would mean I'm focusing on everyone elses life besides my own, which I don't have time to do. So I'm trying (keyword, trying) not to be an envious person. But if I did envy anyone, it would be those who are able to give to the less fortunate. I always wanted to be someone who is able to help others but I don't have much to my name to actually give like I want, you know. I have broke dollars as I like to say, lol. So yeah. Tbh, everyone can keep all the name brands, mansions and all that stuff, thats not what I would want money for. It would be just to give to my family, my mother specifically, and to those who truly have nothing in this world but false hope. Giving makes me happy.
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6. What would do differently with your education if you got a chance to start over?

  • I don't know if this question is asking for the now, cuz I'm still kinda getting used to the whole college thing, or if its asking about the far past...but I'm gonna answer in the way past tense and say I would not have dropped out of high school. Yeah, I still regret that sometimes. But you know, if I was brave enough back then, I would actually stand up to those bullies who came at me from all ends, I wouldn't let them scare me to the point I was afraid of going to school, and I would actually speak up more. Not just to the bullies though. To even the teachers, who would call me 'the quiet one' so much I thought it was my nickname. I guess in a nutshell I would be more outspoken and confident. As of now, Alhamdullilah (all praise and thanks is to Allah), I am better at speaking up a little more and college does not have any type of bullies so. I guess being homeschooled and my depression gave me much to learn. Now I am doing better. Not the best but better. I lived and grew from the past, and as far as my bullies go, they are non-existent to me.
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7. If you had five minutes and the whole world was forced to listen, what would you say?

Just stop, stop what you are doing now! Just stop and think, does any of this really matter? The fancy house, the car, the name brands, the phones, social media, the tv, netflix, the celebrities, your degrees, does it really, TRULY matter? Is that really lifes purpose? What are you doing now that is really going to benefit you in the end? Is it worth it? Just cut it all out, it doesn't matter! I'm trying to get your attention, I'm trying to tell you what matters! Love, prayer and compassion...we need more of it! Please...I'm lonely, I need someone with me. I need someone who is going to see the vision clearly with me. Please.

وَمَا الْحَيَاةُ الدُّنْيَا إِلَّا مَتَاعُ الْغُرُورِ

The life of this world is merely enjoyment of delusion. (The Quran 3:185)

8. What would you do with your life if you had no fear?

  • I would just keep speaking my mind and not take what people think close to heart. I would speak my truth, even if was through spoken word (which I still hope to do one day in sha Allah, if Allah wills), I would be an advocate for good. Oh and also maybe I would climb the empire state building just to look at the view from below. I heard the nyc sunsets and night skies are awestricking from up above.

But am I going to? Nooooo...cuz heights thats why. So thats that.

9. What would you do with your life if you had a guarantee of success?

I would keep writing that book I keep forgetting about. I would actually make plans with that publishing company. I would promote my book like crazy and tell people that it is there to inspire you to do better. I would also build a safe space for people with mental illness and suicidal tendencies, to just come and get away from it all, if they needed to get away from toxic people, their family, friends, whoever... all for free. I would be there for people. I would build myself to help other people succeed, even if I had to hit rock bottom with them.

10. What would you do with your life if money wasn't an issue?

  • Well like I said in question five, I would just give to the less fortunate. I would give to the fundraisers that I know are trustworthy. I would help as many third world countries as possible were war and famine occur. I would also make sure my family is financially secure. I would get my mother that house she always wanted and send her on holiday. For my sisters I would also get a house and give them the shopping spree of their dreams. I would buy my little brother the entire nyc train collection plus more (he's autistic and loves trains). Like I said just before, I would build safe spaces for people with mental illnesses so they know they have someone to turn to. I would send money to my other relatives just because I wanna see them smile...

Idk, I just want everyone to be happy. There so much trial, struggle, grief and turmoil in this world, I would literally just pay to see people smile. Of course I would make sure I take care of myself, but it would mostly be for others.

But then again, only Allah knows better how I would be if I truly did possess that amount of money. So who knows really. I just know now, in this moment, that would be my intention.

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So that was pretty fun. It's good to go in on yourself once in awhile.

You should try it to. Yes, you. You never know what you might discover about yourself, you might enjoy it. If you want me to read, your piece, just post the prompt picture in your article, I would not mind reading.

But on my part, thats all for now. I hope you liked. Until next time, (if Allah wills),

Peace. KC