i'm having a mental breakdown at the moment
or anxiety attack or panic attack
don't even know what it is
it just feels like
not good
one of the things that's giving me anxiety is actually the fact that i don't know what's wrong with me
like i've went to psychologists and doctors and therapists but
nothing just works

it's now been two years
and i've just recently accepted the fact that i'm not ok
but it's ok not to be ok
but it's just irritating that people have to treat me differently
i have to ask people to treat me differently
because of my social anxiety, or depression or anxiety
it would be nice to feel normal among other people
like i know that it's dumb to say something's normal and something isn't
because anything you are is normal for you and it's ok and it's the best thing in the world that you can be what you want to be
but i don't want to be identified by my mental illnesses
because everyone is perfect
perfect as they are
perfect human beings, individuals

it's so weird, this world
people are so clever yet so dumb
and i know being clever is different from being wise
and it isn't a bad thing if you're not clever
you can still be a good thinker
you shouldn't be what other people want you to be, or what society tells you to be
you should be what you want to be
AND I DIDN'T MEAN THAT it's a bad thing to be dumb
i'm for sure dumb
i just meant that people should accept people as they are
not make any expectations
and be more understanding, emphatic
let people be who they want to be
not judge

ok so this was my attempt to control my anxiety attack by writing but it actually just got me to overthinking so....................... well i'll see you after my next breakdown