as i've said before, i'm in love with love. maybe that's part of the reason why i fell for this certain boy.
he was caring and charismatic and beautiful and kind and funny. and most importantly, he felt something for me too. well, at least he did. after the chaos of the summer going into sophomore year, we were distanced. not by choice, but by nature.

and then, at the end of sophomore year, the feelings came flooding in. he felt like the one i could have something with; the one who could appreciate me for me and genuinely have a good time with me.
until he got a girlfriend.

here's where the story might go differently than you would think. i was not about to be the side girl to a relationship, nor was i about to confess my feelings and come between them. so i sat back and watched. and waited. and we had our moments, but nothing crazy.

i've been watching and waiting since may. it's now september, and i don't know how much longer i can take. so i made the conscious decision to move on, and it's so hard.

i still don’t know why i convinced myself he was into me. all it did was hurt me. i led myself on and gave myself expectations for something that was never going to happen; something he didn’t want to happen. i truly let myself think he wanted to be with me.

the loneliness is stinging, and demands my pain.
distractions and silence can try to mask the pain. this was something i felt in the pit of my stomach.
— the song of unrequited love. i’ve felt it once and i’ll feel it again.
the burn of having feelings for someone who doesn’t feel the same. the sting of having those unfulfilled expectations. the chill of loneliness and emptiness; without that person you feel alone. the infatuation has drained into my thoughts. i cant think for five minutes without thinking of you. your thoughts have poisoned me.

all i can do is try not to think about it.